What makes a good Prog song?

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Hi,

Written as a giggle! Some items that are necessary! With a loud thank you to Pete and Dud!

1. Lots of quiet and silent breaks to send away the "prog'istas"

2. Lots of meandering passages so music experts can say that it's a waste of space! A waste of notes and chords!!!

3. Very slow parts with a singer barely saying anything, so progressive "fashionistas" will think that the words are important. Sex like sounds and the like in the background are a bonus!

4. A very loud guitar that seems to be on its own completely apart from the rest of the music, so wwe think this is more progressive. 

5. All other musicians take a cigarette break during the loud guitar part, because you can put a small brick on top of 5 keys on the keyboard, and you can turn on the auto drummer and kick in the synth and bass pads!

6. Even though you can not see it during the CD and the listening, the pictures of the band show a massive light show with so much fog and clouds, that we think this is far out. The colors weren't bad either!

7. Towards the end of the piece, there ALWAYS will be a very berry loud organ playing. However, it must not reach the 20ft size yet! Or it won't be "progressive" ... ie. have a chance to grow!

8. A format that has to resemble a sonata so the mass listenership can enjoy it and not think that there is no music here.

9. The drumming has to be repetitive (with loud snare of course!) so that folks know where the beat of the music is supposed to be, and to make them think that this is REAL music!

10. When the band hits the top ten of progressive lists, it is related to God-like status and everyone else has to go die for it, and be a total bum and idiot and not know anything about music, let alone "progressive". This way, there won't be competition for any hashish hashin out there!

Edited by moshkito - March 29 2015 at 10:16