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EddieRUKiddingVarese View Drop Down
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Points: 1802 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Guitar Player Jokes
    Posted: October 26 2016 at 18:02
I have a confession to make...I play guitar (and Banjo but dont hold that against me). 

You've heard the jokes, you guys snickering I know what they are saying..."if you need him to turn down, just put a sheet of music in front of him!"

So lets here your guitarist jokes, bring it on...............

I'll start...

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A: All of them, evidently.

Q: What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

Q: What’s the difference between a Lead Guitarist and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: How can you tell the stage is level at a gig?
A: The bass Guitarists drools outta both sides of their mouth.



Click image for larger version.  Name: fake_boss_pedals.jpg  Views: 1  Size: 81.0 KB  ID: 89728


Edited by EddieRUKiddingVarese - October 26 2016 at 18:04
"Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes"
and I need the knits, the double knits!
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zravkapt View Drop Down
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Points: 6446 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 26 2016 at 18:14
How do you get a musician off your door step?



Pay them for the pizza.
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CPicard View Drop Down
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Points: 10837 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 01:51
Q: How many guitarists do you need to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to actually do it, 9 other ones to say they would have done it better.
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 01:56
For reasons best known to small furry animals on Alpha Centauri this vid isn't available on YoToob, but it's still the funniest guitarist gag ever:

www.dailymotion.com/video/x2s5apz

Edited by Dean - October 27 2016 at 01:57
What?
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Atavachron View Drop Down
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Points: 64351 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 02:05
LOL  one Mark K'nopfler

Very funny-- of course most of those tunes couldn't be played properly even with the little dots.
"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."   -- John F. Kennedy
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zappaholic View Drop Down
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Points: 2822 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 06:17
A band is playing on a stage in a club, when a kid from the audience walks up to the bass player and starts twisting one of the tuning pegs on his bass.  Immediately the bass player flies into a rage and starts wailing on the kid.  Roadies appear to separate the two, and the club owner arrives and asks what happened.

"This kid came up and just started twisting one of the pegs on my bass!"  says the musician.

"Is that it?" asks the club owner.  "I mean I can see where that'd be annoying, but it's no reason to brutalize the kid."

"Yeah," replies the bassist, "but the snotty little brat won't tell me WHICH ONE!"
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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chopper View Drop Down
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Points: 19943 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 08:08
Originally posted by EddieRUKiddingVarese EddieRUKiddingVarese wrote:

I have a confession to make...I play guitar (and Banjo but dont hold that against me). 

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 08:15
Q: what is perfect pitch for a banjo?

A: when you can pitch it into a litter bin without it hitting the rim.
What?
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chopper View Drop Down
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Points: 19943 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2016 at 09:40
. A man goes on a vacation to a tropical island.  As soon as the plane lands, he gets off and hears drumming.  At first, he thinks, “This is pretty cool”.  He ends up going to a luau and hears the drumming.  He eats lunch and hears the drums.  He goes to the beach and hears the drums.  He tries to sleep, but can’t because of the constant drumming.

The drumming goes on for four days.  The guy has to go down to the front desk because he can’t sleep.  He asks the manager “What is the deal with these drums! Make them stop.  I haven’t got any sleep this whole week!”

The manager of the hotel says “No. Drums don’t stop.  You don’t want the drums to stop, sir.”

“Why?”

“Because when drums stop… Bass solo begins!”
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