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Garion81 
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Joined: May 22 2004
Location: So Cal, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 4338
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 Topic: Dragons, Princess and Metal oh my!
Posted: January 30 2007 at 15:46 |
From My Space. Where is Peter he would love this:
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers, and bones the princess.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f**ks her.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments. The dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave...without the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her. Then he f**ks the dead body, slashes her belly, and eats her guts. Then he f**ks the carcass again, burns the corpse, and f**ks it for the last time.
GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely indecipherable for about 30 seconds, and then leaves.
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon, and thinks he could never beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragons eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows the flute and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell for all eternity.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage".
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footmen, war chariots, and a dozen elite warriors, and as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
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 "What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?"
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progismylife
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 19 2006
Location: ibreathehelium
Status: Offline
Points: 15535
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 15:49 |
 I especially like the Christian Metal one.
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Garion81
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: May 22 2004
Location: So Cal, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 4338
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 15:55 |
I was partial to Grind 
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"What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?"
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progismylife
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 19 2006
Location: ibreathehelium
Status: Offline
Points: 15535
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 15:56 |
Maybe the progressive metal band was DT? 
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Vompatti
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VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
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Points: 67381
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 16:00 |
I think I've seen this before. It's still funny though.
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MikeEnRegalia
Special Collaborator
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Joined: April 22 2005
Location: Sweden
Status: Offline
Points: 20521
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 16:27 |
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Melomaniac
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 07 2006
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 4088
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 16:31 |
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Love this, hilarious !
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"One likes to believe in the freedom of Music" - Neil Peart, The Spirit of Radio
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cuncuna
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 29 2005
Location: Chile
Status: Offline
Points: 4318
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 16:37 |
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Funny indeed...
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¡Beware of the Bee!
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Jeams Pfirp
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 03 2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 163
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 21:38 |
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That is funny! I love those multiple storylines.
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JayDee
Forum Senior Member
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Joined: September 07 2005
Location: Elysian Fields
Status: Offline
Points: 10063
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 21:40 |
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I like it! Classic. The Folk Metal bit is the funniest. Poor princess.
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Greg W
Forum Senior Member
Joined: August 24 2004
Location: Chicago
Status: Offline
Points: 3904
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Posted: January 30 2007 at 22:37 |
 ...The Gore Metal one was awesome.
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Raff
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 29 2005
Location: None
Status: Offline
Points: 24391
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 01:29 |
A slightly different version of this was posted by Hugues a few months ago. I remember spending a few minutes doubled over with laughter while reading it, then I sent it to a friend of mine, who loved it to bits. 
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progismylife
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 19 2006
Location: ibreathehelium
Status: Offline
Points: 15535
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 01:49 |
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The Whistler
Prog Reviewer
Joined: August 30 2006
Location: LA, CA
Status: Offline
Points: 7113
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 02:08 |
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The best was prog-metal; the dragon gettin' bored to death after a 26 minute solo there.
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"There seem to be quite a large percentage of young American boys out there tonight. A long way from home, eh? Well so are we... Gotta stick together." -I. Anderson
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laplace
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 06 2005
Location: popupControl();
Status: Offline
Points: 7606
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 02:26 |
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I assume the doom metal protagonist arrived riding a mammoth
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 03:20 |
Love the Industrial Metal - "The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards."
 progismylife wrote:
Maybe the progressive metal band was DT? |
Too short a solo...
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 Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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martinprog77
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 31 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 2511
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 04:23 |
GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
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Nothing can last
there are no second chances.
Never give a day away.
Always live for today.
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Sean Trane
Special Collaborator
Prog Folk
Joined: April 29 2004
Location: Heart of Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 19614
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Posted: January 31 2007 at 04:44 |
Ghost Rider wrote:
A slightly different version of this was posted by Hugues a few months ago. I remember spending a few minutes doubled over with laughter while reading it, then I sent it to a friend of mine, who loved it to bits. |
Here it is
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let's just stay above the moral melee
prefer the sink to the gutter
keep our sand-castle virtues
content to be a doer
as well as a thinker,
prefer lifting our pen
rather than un-sheath our sword
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Philéas
Forum Senior Member
Joined: June 14 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 6419
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Posted: February 01 2007 at 09:49 |
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Very amusing indeed! I've got to show this to my Metalhead friend!
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epifreak
Forum Groupie
Joined: September 28 2006
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 55
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Posted: February 01 2007 at 13:34 |
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This is beautiful. I especially liked the Viking Metal def.
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Dragons, Princess and Metal oh my!
