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The RIP thread

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Jared View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jared Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 26 2023 at 04:23
^^^ I was just about to post this, but you got there first... very sad news.  

May he R.I.P...  Cry
Music has always been a matter of energy to me. On some nights I believe that a car with the needle on empty can run 50 more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio. Hunter S Thompson
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Octopus II Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 26 2023 at 04:28
RIP Bernie. Unhappy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote progaardvark Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 26 2023 at 11:51
Bob Barker passed away today, aged 99, former game show host of The Price is Right and Truth or Consequences
----------
i'm shopping for a new oil-cured sinus bag
that's a happy bag of lettuce
this car smells like cartilage
nothing beats a good video about fractions
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 26 2023 at 12:09
^ Wow, He almost made it to the big winner $1.00.
RIP Bob, would you like to spin again?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 02 2023 at 08:22
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rushfan4 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 02 2023 at 08:35
Hopefully he gets that Cheeseburger in Paradise.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AFlowerKingCrimson Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 02 2023 at 12:03
Wow. RIP. Jimmy Buffett.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote JD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 10:03
Don Owen
(aka my best friend since grade eight and an extremely talented artist)
By his own hand. He was my brother from a different mother and the godfather to my son. He attempted it two weeks ago and was admitted to a hospital in North Van for a week. They released him on Friday and he took his life on Saturday.
Here is my tribute to him.




Album Cover for BUSKER - Impression Of A City

Art work that hangs in my house

Other works




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Jared View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jared Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 10:08
I'm really very sorry to hear this JD; my heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and all of his family; we hope he has finally found the inner peace he was craving and may he Rest In Peace... Heart
Music has always been a matter of energy to me. On some nights I believe that a car with the needle on empty can run 50 more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio. Hunter S Thompson
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Grumpyprogfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 10:09
^So sorry to hear. One of my best friends also committed suicide. I know it sucks.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 10:45
So sorry to hear, JD. Amazing art.

My best friend committed suicide a few years ago -- a friend told me that the family blamed me, that and because I had felt so powerless in trying to prevent something that I thought might happen, lead to my own attempt which led to some neurological issues due to asphyxiation. He lived in North Van and had been admitted to the North Vancouver (Lions Gate) Hospital. He went missing and when found convinced his mother to take himself to Lions Gate. Instead he drove 500 miles and killed himself -- every day I was trying to contact the police to warn them but they would never return my calls, while at the same time I made the mistake of trying to reassure the mother who has her own mental health issues. SO sad my predictions came true and yet I was unable to prevent it. He so hated the idea of going back the North van hospital. Having been hospitalised myself, voluntarily, you are treated like a non-person and a criminal (locked up and ignored). And my eldest has been hospitalised several times. It's so dehumanising. Those hospital stays can just make it much, much worse, and they don't really care for you or seem to care about you at all in my experience and then you are just cut loose when they decide they can release you. In my case I agreed to one night, caused no issues there, but could not get released for a week (they said because that psychiatrist was busy, really? They had so many others). It was a depressing and horrible experience for me. They don;t really treat you, just lock you up and ignore you from my experience. Sad to see that being hospitalised can make it so much worse and they need good post hospital support (partially to deal with the potential trauma of being hospitalised) -- and a compassionate and supportive and non-judgemntal community, friends, and family to help one through. A big issue commonly is the stigma of mental health, so may people are afraid to talk about it with others which leads to greater feelings of alienation and desperation. When I was hospitalised, before that I had called mental health hotline and mentioned suicidal ideation (I have that every day, I live with it). That person, despite my protests, then contacted the police which took me to the hospital. I though one night might be good to get connected into the system, but it did not work out that way and instead it made me feel more alienated, less in control of my life, less of an individual. I decide that i would rather die that go back to hospital, and I will not call asupport line again because of the lack of anonymity or respecting or listening to your wishes. I was in no danger, that person just reacted without listening. At the hospital, from my experience, you are just another statistic, and once you are gone they don't care to even follow-up. It felt utterly cold and heartless. I used to do work in mental health for an NGO mostly as the program coordinator when I was doing really well and we actually cared about the people's well-being and I believe it showed and people were grateful. It was a community of people who I believe generally cared about each other and had an understanding of the difficulties. It would help if people could be more open about their difficulties without feeling judged or having thier feelings "invalidated" (there's a buzz word that some hate, so "woke").

I don't know your friends situation, but sadly it is common that much more could have and should have been done. Even just having people really listen and one thinks they actually care and are not telling you how you should feel, how you should react. We are all different. A little caring and compassion and companionship can go such a long way. But some will see that as weakness and use it against you (this happened to me with someone at PA who I made the mistake of confiding in). Ideally one should not care about the non-caring, the heartless, the callous and the cruel I might say. It's rather like not tolerating the intolerant.

Oh, and, sorry not to take away from this, but last weekend we had my mother's memorial service, she died a few weeks before that. Been very stressful and hard dealing with her failing health for the last year and a half (she had had a severe stroke that left her with expressive aphasia). It was a beautiful service but I had a panic attack before it because the live streaming person could not show up at the church due to illness and I had not time to set it up. My brother who had arranged something in Australia, where my mother is from, was very upset because he said that many in Australia were waiting to see it (my wife and I set everything up here in Canada so I was blaming myself). I had to deliver my eulogy for my mum and a friends whose flight was delayed and so could not make it, and so it was really bad timing, but I managed to calm quite quickly and focus on what needed doing. I got more laughs then than I have in the last ten years at PA, which is not saying much (people love amusing anecdotes at funerals). It went really well other than that and that we catered for far too many people.

Edited by Logan - September 03 2023 at 11:39
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lazland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 11:45
Oh my. So sorry to hear this.

My step-brother committed suicide last month. The impact on family has been devastating.

Peace to you JD.
Enhance your life. Get down to www.lazland.org
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 12:00
^ So sorry to hear that, Steve. My deepest condolences to you both and to the families.

Edited by Logan - September 03 2023 at 12:17
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 12:44
Hug Heart Hug Heart
To all of you !

@Logan
Your story is almost word for word on how he was dealt with two weeks ago as well. I know he hated being in there, I spoke to him on one of his phone privilege days. I had really hoped that being released would afford him some relief, but sadly, I think he was intent on ending his pain.

@Lazland
You have my deepest condolences Steve.
Don's youngest sister has now lost both her siblings to mental health crisis.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tuzvihar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 13:17
^ So sorry to read this, guys! I'm at loss for words... My sincerest condolences!
"Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent."

Charles Bukowski
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 13:28
^ So sad for Don's sister.

Unfortunately, sometimes nothing you can do nor the change in circumstances can get people enough relief, and people are intent on, as you say, ending the pain. One of the painful things for those left behind often is the survivor's guilt -- like could I or should I have done more or did I do the wrong thing? So easy to blame oneself when really unwarranted, and often no one is to blame (maybe society writ large in a way, or the system...). The system is very flawed, there can be areal lack of humanity, and in my friend's case, while his mother blamed me, and I blamed myself, I should have been blaming the RCMP. The moral of the story is, f**k the Police. Sorry, I'm kidding there, kind of, but I'm glad you spoke to him on that phone privilege day. No matter what mood he was in at the time, and despite how it ended for him, that is I think really meaningful. We can hope, and it's sad for the survivors, but the pain can be just too much and for some that this seems the only long-tern way to get relief. It really bothers me when some call it the coward's way out as that act can take lot of strength and courage. That's something I had to come to accept with my friend. It was his decision, it was devastating too many, and I never blamed him for it. Every case is different. Of course this may not make it any easier on the family or survivors to deal with and it is devastating and results in deep scars that never really heal.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Jared Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 13:38
Originally posted by lazland lazland wrote:

Oh my. So sorry to hear this.

My step-brother committed suicide last month. The impact on family has been devastating.

Peace to you JD.

Oh Steve, words fail me... I'm so very sorry to hear this; please accept my heart-felt condolences... Heart
Music has always been a matter of energy to me. On some nights I believe that a car with the needle on empty can run 50 more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio. Hunter S Thompson
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote verslibre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 13:40
JD / Logan / lazland

My deepest condolences. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JD Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 13:41
^Thanks Greg.
You clearly understand my situation right now. I so badly wanted to believe the first attempt (crash a truck on the way back from Squamish) was more of a cry for help than a actual attempt to end his life. But as you say, survivor's guilt was how I spent most of the morning after talking to his sister. Mrs. JD help me deal with the reality of those thoughts. We had discussed how we could get him out here for a few weeks but knew it wasn't practical until he had more help with the mental health issues he was experiencing.

Would'a, Could'a, Should'a. You can't change the past. Cry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zappastolethetowels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 03 2023 at 16:00
Originally posted by JD JD wrote:

Don Owen
(aka my best friend since grade eight and an extremely talented artist)
By his own hand. He was my brother from a different mother and the godfather to my son. He attempted it two weeks ago and was admitted to a hospital in North Van for a week. They released him on Friday and he took his life on Saturday.
Here is my tribute to him.




Album Cover for BUSKER - Impression Of A City

Art work that hangs in my house

Other works




Rip Don, and my heartfelt condolenses go to you and your family (to everyone who knew him well) Heart 

I lost my step cousin to suicide (he suffered from Tourettes and inexplicably fell from a story building atop another building (hit the roof). We were close despite him being 7 years older than me. Deep down, I know how it feels to lose someone close (my grandparents too) and recovery can be difficult. My best advice is keep him in the back of your mind and try to socialize more while doing something fun - especially at this time. 

We are all with you as long as you need us! Rest well and don't let it bring you down.

Best Wishes, 
Alex
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