Depression experiences

You need to find someday else to live as a couple again, you look like someone who can't live alone. I had a friend who was in the same situation as yours and he had 6 years of unhappiness, but he was always trying to find another girl , his efforts finally paid up and he has never been so happy right now.  

I haven't had depression but I've met many people who have, and I agree with Blacksword, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I think everyone on PA would be genuinely sympathetic to any member undergoing such a traumatic series of life experiences as the OP. However (and I don't mean to be harsh) is confiding in people you have never/are never likely to meet necessarily conducive to recovery? I know that it's often said it's easier to confide in a complete stranger but this strikes me as symptomatic of the priest/sinner arrangement where anonymity is exchanged for guilt in the transaction. I am also 'estranged' from my wife and went through a very bad period where I lapsed into an angry resentful state which alienated many of those closest to me. Mercifully they forgave me (and those who really love you Gerinski will forgive your acts committed in the darkest troughs of despair)
That's why it's very important to get out, circulate and meet those people you count as your friends. Don't lock yourself away to ruminate on real/imaginary shortcomings - the rest of your life starts now. You will receive the support you need from those who love you (not a discussion forum) I'm an abrasive bugger so apologies but I'm always sincere and I hope this helps.


Edited by ExittheLemming - April 18 2013 at 07:04

As someone who has fought with depression around this time last year, but who managed to get help on time, and yet is still fighting not to relapse because of several recent events, allow me to give you some advice.

First of, yes! depression is one of the most horrendous things that can happen to an individual, an odious combination of hopelessness, helplessness and quick anger. However, the good news is you can overcome that so long as you are willing take action.

Of course, the first step is, since your self-diagnosis is depression, is to actually seek a counselor/psychologist who you can trust and have them confirm or disprove this, and see together what the next logical steps are from there onwards.

In the mean time, start doing things you used to enjoy: listen to albums, try and write some reviews etc. Now, you might find that you won't be liking these as much as in the good ol' days. The trick is to actually do it and not evaluate yourself or the final result of your actions (this could be the case when you might return to work as well). Congratulate yourself for trying and for actually getting out of the routine or what is now a comfort zone of doing nothing. It's a huge step! And then start doing them again. No-one can fail all the time. Plus remember, everything that happens to us and affects us one way or the other, has to do with our perception of said occurrences.

Another thing, try to be as independent as possible in order to be in control of your emotional life. You don't need someone in order to validate your sense of 'worth'. Like Dr Bruns said (whose book "Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy', I highly recommend) being independent means your moods will not fluctuate because of someone else's moods. This shortly covers the past relationship aspect.

As for being alone in a foreign country, yes, this might seem problematic. But Belgium is one of those very cosmopolitan states, where you can make friends both with the natives and people from the international environment. Look up groups that undertake activities you like and join them, or start one yourself. If this doesn't work, you might want to consider returning to your home country and starting a new life there, if you can find a stable job. There still are possibilities, even at this age. It's never too late.

But the main thing of all this, is to start taking action and go to a psychologist. Best of luck to you!

I'm in perpertual depression for quite a long time now so I wouldn't make any judgements on my common state, but remembering my past experiences I can remember a pretty short, but very vivid experience I had three years ago or so.

I remember, I was counting each day I live. Or more precisely, how may days I have to live yet. It was like: 'Oh, it's monday. Seven more days until sunday... five more days, four... Three weeks until February, and then two months until snow will start to melt...'

I lived in constant darkness, I haven't seen anything positive in upcoming days, my future looked like an empty black hole with dread incoming from its depths.

I also remember I couldn't listen to anything except for Led Zeppelin's 'No Quarter'. That slow oppressing song was the best representation of what I felt at that time, so it became a kind of a hymn of mine.

That condition, fortunately, didn't lasted for long and in a few weeks I got better.

Can't give any advices yet... back in those days I just had to wait until something would change around.


Edited by ole-the-first - April 18 2013 at 08:47

Blacksword wrote: Living with someone can help a great deal. A partner can spot changes in your behaviour and demeanour which you yourself may not even be aware of. They can encourage you to seek help and be supportive to you. If you live alone a worsening of your condition may go completely unnoticed until it's too late.

And there's the key.

I was eventually diagnosed with depression 13 years ago after being virtually frog-marched to the doctor by my wife, who'd suffered my constant mood swings for (let's just say) long enough - she used to go swimming with a friend a couple of times a week - not only because she enjoyed it, but to get away from me for a few hours   

Once the diagnosis was in & the meds started kicking in, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders; none of our friends were aware of my problem at the time, as when you're out, having a laugh, everything seems OK, until you get back to your regular routine & spiral down again (how Vicky stayed put is still a mystery to me).

The next step was to accept I would be on meds more or less constantly for the rest of my life - this was difficult to get my head around until Vicky suggested it was no different than my having been diagnosed with a different condition (eg diabetes) where I would have to take daily meds to stay on an even keel - and that's what SSRIs do, they're not 'happy pills', they just stop the serotonin re-uptake gland taking it all back & keep you on an even keel; you still get pissed off occasionally, you still get 'down' occasionally (EVERYBODY DOES ), but the trick is to recognise it for what it is & to recognise the symptoms of a possible downward spiral - if ever I'm unsure, I just ask Vicky, or one of my friends - all of whom now know of my condition.

That's another thing - explain to your friends & family what's happening, how it can affect you & why; not as a sympathy thing, just straightforward information. Remember, in most cases, depression is simply a physical condition caused by an over-active serotonin re-uptake gland (SSRI = Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor)... all together now:

WE ARE NOT LOONYS!

...at least that's what the voices tell me...

rdtprog wrote: You need to find someday else to live as a couple again, you look like someone who can't live alone. I had a friend who was in the same situation as yours and he had 6 years of unhappiness, but he was always trying to find another girl , his efforts finally paid up and he has never been so happy right now.

Jim Garten wrote:   That's another thing - explain to your friends & family what's happening, how it can affect you & why; not as a sympathy thing, just straightforward information. Remember, in most cases, depression is simply a physical condition caused by an over-active serotonin re-uptake gland (SSRI = Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor)... all together now:

HolyMoly wrote: The biggest thing I learned from my bout with depression is that when I decided to give up alcohol (after abusing it for many years), most of my problems magically went away.  Ironically, I had been drinking largely to cope with the depression.  So that's been a big incentive for me to stay off the bottle, and life has been reasonably peachy ever since.

Jim Garten wrote: Completely understandable - my mother is the only one who is unaware, too. Gerinski wrote: I have been taking Fluoxetine and although the progress is very slow, I have been getting better and the side effects are very mild if any Fluoxetine is one of the better drugs with the fewest side effects; also one of the oldest ones (the most common trade name for it is Prozac) - one I'd be very cautious of if recommended is Seroxat. Works well for some, buit with others can have really unpleasant side effects - I started having major panic attacks 2 days after beginning the course (that was when my GP put me onto Cipramil, which is the best I've found) & there is a history of it causing really nasty episodes in people - that said, some people swear by it, so it's all down to individual metabolisms, I guess.

Prozac was the first one tried about 13 years ago. Apart from very slight shakes in the morning it actually had no effect on me whatsoever, positive or otherwise. The next one I tried was Venlafaxine, which improved my mood slightly, but robbed me of all libido, and I would wake up in the morning with clenched jaws after a night of teeth grinding, according to a partner at the time.

I guess everyone has different experiences with these drugs, but Mirtazapine has been the only one that has not had any bad side effects for me. Apart from memory loss?? Although that could just be attributed to the condition anyway.