Hey, stupid!

..when I was kid we had an ant infestation in the house, being inventive I tried freezing them using the butane gas from an aerosol can of lighter-fuel. On reflection doing that near an open fire-grate was a pretty stupid idea but fortunately my hair and eyebrows did grow back. A few years later Dad tossed a dead watch battery into the same fire-grate which also turned out to be an equally stupid idea as the resulting explosion showered the burning coals across the room. 

Edited by Dean - August 01 2014 at 06:49

I'm going to bypass my stupid drunk stories (of which there are a few) because they are at least explainable - people do stupid things when they get stupid drunk.  However, one time I did something so totally stupid while sober, I still cringe in shame when I think about it almost 20 years later.   This is a classic example of a "brain fart" that resulted in extreme embarrassment.  I totally just "wasn't thinking".  Most of you know me fairly well, and I hope you don't think of me as a crazy sicko after reading this.  (now there's a great setup)

So I'm in the lobby of this hotel in Atlanta.  I was in grad school at the time, and a study group had agreed to meet there because they had a nice open area with couches.  I got up and went to the bathroom (I needed to go "number two").  There were two stalls, and for some reason I preferred one over the other, but I wasn't sure if it was occupied or not.  Because I'm tall, I looked over the top of the stall to see if it was occupied.  OKAY STOP RIGHT THERE.  Who does that?  Crazy perverts looking for a good time.  It turns out there was someone in there, and he was understandably upset that I was going around peeping at men on the toilet.  He started verbally retaliating at me, and I tried as calmly as I could to convince him that I had just made a mistake, and that I'm not a weirdo.  I thought by acting nonchalant rather than defensive, I could make my case better.  I think it worked.

I re-joined the study group, and I wonder what my face looked like as I met my classmates.  I felt like I had just lost my mind.  But all it was was the failure to make that mental connection between "need to know if stall is occupied" and "but the downside risk of actually looking inside is greater than the benefits of finding out."  I'm a logical guy, and I was aghast at how thoroughly I had failed to act logically (or even sanely).

When I was six, I went to a friend's birthday party. We engaged in a rolling-down-hill racing tournament. I won, and proceeded to throw up all over my friend's birthday cake later. The prize was a rock.

presdoug wrote: This takes the cake-I was drunk one night in my teens, and started to pick my nose with a can opener. All I can remember is looking at the blood pouring out of my nasal passage.

Similarly to Dean, my hands down most stupid act was in 1982 - I was at the indestructible age of 19 & in possession of a mean machine 2 wheeler - OK then, a scratty Yamaha RS100...

My 19 year old self decided I'd ridden from my friend's house in Welwyn to home so many times, it was perfectly OK for me to down about 7 pints + a couple of vodkas then ride home in the dark in -5 degree temperatures and to hell with the warnings of black ice.

Stupid? Yes - Lucky? Definitely

Luckily, no police were around in Hatfield when I lost the bike on a roundabout, slid about 20 feet & hit a lamp-post. Luckily there was no other traffic to hit me as I did it. Luckily, I was in enough shock to ride the remaining 8 miles home without further incident...

...despite having 2 cracked ribs & a wrist broken in 5 places, which kept me off work for 3 weeks and in plaster between February & the beginning of August.

I don't usually condone foul language here, but without a doubt, that night, I was a completely stupid w**ker!

The Pessimist wrote: presdoug wrote: This takes the cake-I was drunk one night in my teens, and started to pick my nose with a can opener. All I can remember is looking at the blood pouring out of my nasal passage. So long as you got the goods though, who cares how much blood there is? (I'm pretty sure that's the moto of a very twisted burglar somewhere)

I'm guessing he got caught red handed.

One day I was cooking frozen beefburgers for lunch. I wasn't really thinking and decided to separate two that were stuck together by prying them apart with the pointy end of a kitchen knife. Net result a nice stab wound in the palm of my hand and a trip to Casualty

One time I was pitching in baseball and got a runner caught between third and home.  I had the ball, and he was as good as out.  But I threw the ball to third base, and he ran home safe.  I bet the people in the stands were peeing their pants at that mistake.  And the look on the third baseman's face I'll never forget.

HolyMoly wrote: The Pessimist wrote: presdoug wrote: This takes the cake-I was drunk one night in my teens, and started to pick my nose with a can opener. All I can remember is looking at the blood pouring out of my nasal passage. So long as you got the goods though, who cares how much blood there is? (I'm pretty sure that's the moto of a very twisted burglar somewhere) I'm guessing he got caught red handed.

Guldbamsen wrote: Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine. After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk. The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.