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Hey, stupid!

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    Posted: August 01 2014 at 21:49
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 02 2014 at 10:22
No humour here, as this has been really depressing me.  The stupidest thing that I currently regret the most happened a few weeks ago.  I have been very stressed over the last few months since a series of expensive financial issues and other problems have been hitting me and my family in rapid succession.  When I'm anxious I get insomnia and can't think straight.  It has become very hard for me to deal with people, and I do have social anxiety.  Despite feeling very strongly that I was being conned, I allowed myself to be tricked into buying an absolute lemon of a used car.  I knew how to handle the situation from the outset, and got lots of warning signs saying walk away to me, but I was worried about offending or angering the person (I hate any confrontation) and my too trusting wife really wanted the car.  I was panicking and couldn't think, and that person capitalized on it.  I now know that to fix the car properly could cost me over eight thousand dollars (which is more than the car is worth), and already buying it maxed out my budget.  It's very hard to be without an operating vehicle.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Polymorphia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 02 2014 at 11:45
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.
LOL Did you ever convince him of your story?
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Dayvenkirq Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 02 2014 at 11:48
Originally posted by Logan

No humour here, as this has been really depressing me.  The stupidest thing that I currently regret the most happened a few weeks ago.  I have been very stressed over the last few months since a series of expensive financial issues and other problems have been hitting me and my family in rapid succession.  When I'm anxious I get insomnia and can't think straight.  It has become very hard for me to deal with people, and I do have social anxiety.  Despite feeling very strongly that I was being conned, I allowed myself to be tricked into buying an absolute lemon of a used car.  I knew how to handle the situation from the outset, and got lots of warning signs saying walk away to me, but I was worried about offending or angering the person (I hate any confrontation) and my too trusting wife really wanted the car.  I was panicking and couldn't think, and that person capitalized on it.  I now know that to fix the car properly could cost me over eight thousand dollars (which is more than the car is worth), and already buying it maxed out my budget.  It's very hard to be without an operating vehicle.
Well, that one is understandable. It sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure. At least you could explain yourself, whereas other guys like me here ... pf-f-f-f.

Sorry to hear about what has befallen you. Do you have a plan?


Edited by Dayvenkirq - August 02 2014 at 16:31
"People tell you life is short. ... No, it's not. Life is long. Especially if you make the wrong decisions." - Chris Rock
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Finnforest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 02 2014 at 17:57
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.





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Post Options Post Options   Quote Tapfret Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 03 2014 at 04:03
If I eliminate all stupidity that involved my penis, I would have to say smoking for 14 years was easily the dumbest. The most acute smoking related stupidity was when I was 19. I was driving with a lit cigarette in my hand and dropped it in my lap (which I suppose involves my penis and shouldn't count by my parameters) while making a right turn. In my panic to eliminate setting my pants on fire I looked down while trying to brush the smoldering embers. When I looked up I was heading toward a tree off to the right of my now completed turn. When I went to slam on the brake my size 13 (euro 47) shoe hit the gas pedal first. Crunch. 

I still smoked for 10 more years after that.   Wacko
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Finnforest Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 03 2014 at 09:54
Ahhh yes....smoking related driving mishaps.....always problematic.    Great story Ian.

Edited by Finnforest - August 03 2014 at 09:55


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Post Options Post Options   Quote Slartibartfast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 03 2014 at 13:07
 
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.


I think we have a weiner, uhm winner. Tongue

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Dayvenkirq Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 17 2014 at 22:10
[dumb content erased]

Edited by Dayvenkirq - August 18 2014 at 19:41
"People tell you life is short. ... No, it's not. Life is long. Especially if you make the wrong decisions." - Chris Rock
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Post Options Post Options   Quote TGM: Orb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 18 2014 at 18:46
Originally posted by Epignosis

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq

Not sure if incidents triggered due to blind rage (or annoyance, however you wanna call it) count. If you don't wanna hear that one, then I'm changing the channel. I've done a number of equally stupid things, but the most interesting and least weird of all ('cause I've done some really weird yet unfunny things that will make you think like I'm some kind of an underage psycho-f$%k) would have to be this.

Alright, chaps. Some of you were drunk, some of you procrastinated, but I bet I can top anybody here because I was 17-18 years old ... and sober. Me and a metalhead decided to compete against bigger, more professional local high school bands ... as a duo. I was scrambling to write a really stupid half-assed prog-metal thing with a few sections and nonsensical lyrics. Think of the worst thing ever written in prog metal ... mine has to be worse. I put together the following items:

 - an electric guitar
 - a keyboard
 - a tiny Yamaha amp
 - a mic (without a stand)
 - a whistle ('cause I guess I thought I was a mighty-fine f$%king whistler)
 - a sheet of metal that resembled a musical saw (because it gave off some sound)
 - I think I also brought an ocarina (which I couldn't play to save my life)

I saw this tech-metal band with all the PA ready (now imagine all this s$%t I brought) and the singer growling (which is something I to this day don't understand). 

My time to perform came. My metalhead buddy didn't show up. Imagine yourself alone, performing the dumbest piece in the history of mankind that wasn't finished and wasn't rehearsed. You get the picture. Define disaster ... it's when a guy from a competing band is trying to help you ... by plugging your mic (brought up close to your keyboard's tiny speakers) to his amp, and then you are playing your guitar and singing horses#$t. The mind reels.

Then next day I was asked if I was influenced by some comedy bands. I should have said "yes" instead of getting upset and saying something else.


Ah, I have a few live show disaster stories to tell.  Putting on a bad (or even awful) show isn't stupid.  It's learning how to do something better.  Smile

Yep. There's also learning that if you don't remember a song you should stop and do something else rather than torturing yourself in front of a room full of people. Learning that was an extremely awkward six minutes with a ukulele and an embarrassed sympathetic audience.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Metalmarsh89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 18 2014 at 19:50
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.


I don't know how the pain compares, but I performed an act of equal stupidity. Also making salsa, I had just finished cutting the jalapenos and onions, and before I did anything else, I proceeded to reach up and rub both of my eyes with my fingers. Within seconds I was writhing on the floor (continuing to rub, of course). Instinct told me to get cold water, so I felt my way to the kitchen sink and began flushing my eyes as best I could from the kitchen faucet. Then I went to my bedroom and lay on the floor with a cold, wet towel plastered to my eyes. That was possibly the most painful event of my life, even more than getting poison ivy in the nether regions of my butt.

For better or for worse, there is a conscious (and sometimes even subconscious) part of me that does not like to be noisy or loud. So through this whole event, I managed to not make a single peep, and so my roommates wouldn't have known at all had they not noticed how incredibly red my eyes were a couple hours later.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Padraic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 08:46
Originally posted by A Person

[QUOTE=Guldbamsen]Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.


Not so bad as habañeros (probably jalapenos or something), but I've done similar.

You only make that mistake once.  Pinch
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guldbamsen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 09:03
Yup...this you only do onceLOL

I was considering posting in this thread about last weekend, but then again I already wrote that somewhere else on this board, and I'm not sure exactly how much I want to milk that cow. 
Let's just say that stupidity - assumed stupidity no less, indeed was paramount. One morning I woke up inside my friend's apartment on a lawn. I pretty much thought I was hallucinating, but then small glimpses of the night before started flickering, and I remembered something about stealing grass somewhere down by the lake, where richer folk live -  and then proceeding with the main dish: making our own garden. Things get kinda blurry from there on end, but there is something about some coconuts that I can't quite place.


Edited by Guldbamsen - August 19 2014 at 09:04
“The Guide says there is an art to flying or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guldbamsen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 09:06
Originally posted by A Person

Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Making homemade hot sauce out of habañeros and forgetting to wash my hands before taking a wee is another unintelligent endeavor of mine.
After splashing cold water on my salsa region for a few minutes with little to no relief at all, I remember that capsaicin is oil based. I run for the milk, ending up in a highly asexual and uncomfortably position, sitting on the edge of a leather chair with my penis stuffed neatly down a large glass of full-cream milk.
The moment my roomie walked in the door was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Dean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 09:30
Originally posted by Guldbamsen

Yup...this you only do onceLOL

I was considering posting in this thread about last weekend, but then again I already wrote that somewhere else on this board, and I'm not sure exactly how much I want to milk that cow. 
Let's just say that stupidity - assumed stupidity no less, indeed was paramount. One morning I woke up inside my friend's apartment on a lawn. I pretty much thought I was hallucinating, but then small glimpses of the night before started flickering, and I remembered something about stealing grass somewhere down by the lake, where richer folk live -  and then proceeding with the main dish: making our own garden. Things get kinda blurry from there on end, but there is something about some coconuts that I can't quite place.
LOL 

Gentlemen, that reminds me...

One night after a looong session down the pub a group of us were walking staggering back to the house where we were going to crash for the night when we saw two almost identical front gardens that differed only by a couple of very large plant containers and an ornate bird-bath, (or sun dial - I don't exactly recall which but you know the kind of thing). 

Needless to say, in our drunken stupor swapping over all the garden ornaments from one garden to the other seemed like a good jape so we set about moving these heavy pots as quietly as we could. That is: with lots of giggling, swearing and exaggerated stage-whispers interrupted by very loud "shhh-ing" followed by more inebriated giggling. 


More by luck than judgement we would have gotten away with it too because we managed to move everything without disturbing the occupants of either house. If we had stopped there and then and simply continued on our way our plan would have succeeded.



But we were all very very drunk and plans have a habit of being over-reached in that situation... 




Some bright spark suggested we should swap over the cars from the drives too...





Exactly how we intended to do that wasn't clear, I think someone suggested we could "bounce" them, but fortunately (considering the consequences if we had tried) we never got to find out because as soon as one of us touched the first car its alarm went off and we, in a panic, turned as one and ran. LOL


If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise and then just behave like they would - Neil Gaiman
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guldbamsen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 09:42
LOL

Brilliant! Love the original draft.
Ahhh and those "extra-plans" always end up wrong. Pushing the envelope just that eenie tiny bit more - especially when inebriated - inevitably ends in things being broken, people getting arrested/hurt/knocked out/fond of spewing chunks in all the wrong places etc etc.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Padraic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 19 2014 at 09:45
Ah yes.  I had five roommates at university, and after a "pub session" we discovered to our drunken delight that we had the collective strength to pick up and move small cars.  Never did get to see the face of the guy who came out to find his car rotated 90 degrees...
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