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Joren 
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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 Posted: April 07 2004 at 09:37 |
Hey, hey, settle down, OLDTIMERS! 
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 07 2004 at 09:29 |
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Poo head!
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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dude
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 30 2004
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 1338
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Posted: April 07 2004 at 04:17 |
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!, IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE PETER(IM SORRY FOR BEING SO CORPULENT WOULD YOU PLEASE PASS ME THE ROAST CHICKEN)RIDEOUT......and in the opposite corner is JIM(is it time for my fortnightly bath?...WE English like to keep clean you know!!)GARTEN...in a match scheduled for 8 rounds........in the event of a tie the winner will be determined by a game of "rock scissors, paper" your referee will be DUDE(THE DINGO STOLE MY NINE INCH CIGAR)INSERT LAST NAME HERE GENTLEMEN YOU MAY NOW PUMMEL THE C**P OUT OF EACH OTHER
Edited by dude
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 07 2004 at 03:05 |
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Sticks and stones, dear boy, sticks and stones - did I perhaps touch a nerve with the word:
CORPULENT?
Hmmmmmm??
Edited by Jim Garten
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: January 31 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 9669
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 13:49 |
 Jim Garten wrote:
Aha!!
Crazy and corrupted.......
We only need corpulent, crapulous & Canadian & we'll have turned you into Peter Rideout
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 Corpulent? I'll have you know, you English toffee-nosed, malodorous, greasy-haired, low-browed, pie-eyed, cloth-eared, bone-headed, pea-brained, tea-stained, foul-mouthed, green-tongued, snaggle-toothed (no floride in the water, kids), stoop-shouldered, slope-backed, bandy-legged, knock-kneed, stink-footed, pigeon-toed, cotton-picking, corn-shucking, chicken plucking, egg sucking, scabrous, scrofulous, syphlitic, pustulent, flea-bitten, boozy, in-bred, tweed-wearing, Thatcher-voting, lager-louting, footie-rioting, sweets-addicted, twiggy ale-guzzling, sarnie-eating, wrong side of the road-driving, aristocrat ar*e-kissing, leg-humping, lawn-befouling, alley-slashing, one-off-the-wrist-taking, mincing, prancing and nouveau disco-dancing (dancing? Ha!) fool, (deep breath)... that far from being corpulent, I am tall (6'3'') and slim (210lbs), with a physiognomy akin to a suppurating pimple on Brad Pitt's posterior!
Crapulous? Well, prog makes me lose control of certain basic bodily functions....  Is there any shame in that? Nay! Neigh I say!
Garten, thou great git, I swear by Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria and E=MC2 that I will be avenged! Smithers, re-grease the hounds!
Edited by Peter Rideout
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Stormcrow
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 05 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 400
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 12:05 |
I for one have never felt the need to use a cricket bat. They're just not that big.
I find a fly swatter is more than enough for cricket control. Especially as I have the strength of ten. Incidently, they (fly swatters) are quite efficacious in the control of the occasional odd house fly, in case you were not aware. For the occasional even house fly, I suggest a right handed fly swatter only.
Now Malasian cockroaches! Those icky rotters need to be beaten about the head and shoulders with a bat.
But a womb bat? No I'm sorry, I just don't see the need for that.
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Radioactive Toy
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 06 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 953
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 09:44 |
"OOOH THATS THE BIGGEST CRICKET BAT I HAVE EVER SEEN"
Ive just read 1 line of your post (yeah the last one) and I ehm..well.. ergh..so..
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Reed's failed joke counter:
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R.I.P. You could have reached infinity....
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 09:42 |
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But I thought you used Wom-bats out there
Yes, that noble and ancient game of Wom, where an innocent young Netherlander is beaten around the Wom-Pitch by crazed Australians, until forced to cry "PING" at the top of his voice, whereupon the next (English) team attempt to do the same with a somewhat less innocent Canadian, lasting approximately 5 minutes, before succumbing to the usual middle order Wom-batting collapse, retire to the bar & proceed to drink huge amounts of Kangaroo urine, under the mis-apprehension that the Australian brewing industry has suddenly discovered a better recipe.....
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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dude
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 30 2004
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 1338
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 09:24 |
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POOR JOREN..pure of heart and full of youthful enthusiasm,has wandered into this abode of the damned and been forever corrupted STOP!..............."BUT I WANT TO SEE IT" STOP IT!..NOT YET(sorry its my new girlfreind!)....LEAVE IT ALONE...."BUT I HEARD ITS SO BIG!!".......NOT YET IM TALKING TO THESE PEOPLE..LOOK, LEAVE THAT ZIPPER ALONE...."BUT I REALLY WANT TO SEE IT!......OH ALL RIGHT LET ME GET IT OUT FOR YOU.....ZZZZZIIIIIIIIPPP!!.....PLOP!!....."OOOOH ITS DROPPED ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND!! I AM IMPRESSED!"....YEAH I KNOW,HERE LET ME PUT IT ON THE TABLE FOR YOU.............PLONK!! WELL WHAT DO YOU THINK HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE LIKE THAT BEFORE!!?...."OOOH THATS THE BIGGEST CRICKET BAT I HAVE EVER SEEN...............................COUGH!!
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 08:04 |
Aha!!
Crazy and corrupted.......
We only need corpulent, crapulous & Canadian & we'll have turned you into Peter Rideout
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Joren
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 07:33 |
Weasels Ripped My Flesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that album! 
But I think this forum should have a warning sign: ADULTS ONLY 
You guys are driving me crazy!
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Stormcrow
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 05 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 400
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 07:26 |
Jim Garten wrote:
Ahem.....
Eeerr... sorry.....
What was this thread originally about, again? |
Dragging Joren, kicking and screaming, into a never-ending purgatory of slightly icky moral corruption (not to mention turpitude) - so that he wakes every morning vaguely hungoverish with an uncomfortable blurry notion that somewhere in a remote past or unseen future, somehow that weasels have or will ripped/rip his flesh.
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 06 2004 at 03:13 |
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Those "cute little jackets" are our solitary armour of moral fortitude, the straw hats, our helmets of righteousness........ the striding masters in their long cloaks are the guardians of our souls......... the obsequious porters, there to guard against invasions of the vast unwashed chattering classes, hell bent on corrupting our pure whiter than white, and above all BLUE BLOODED British souls.
And the school mascot (Ronald the goat) - there for a damned good rogering after tea!
Huzzah for England! This green and pleasant land full of stout yeomen such as myself, charged by God to uphold moral standards in a world gone mad, armed only with a copy of the Times, the stiffest of upper lips, and a small bulldog named Gerald!
Ahem.....
Eeerr... sorry.....
What was this thread originally about, again?
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Stormcrow
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 05 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 400
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 19:55 |
Jim Garten wrote:
Maybe not a ban, but certainly a damned good flogging - it's what we did to his type in my day!! Filthy Pervert! You disgust me, Rideout, you hear me?
And you're no better, so called Dude, and Stormcrow - my God! you've corrupted a poor innocent like Joren, and jest about it!! - What kind of men are you for God's sake?? My slavering indignation knows no bounds - I pray for your filthy, heinous, slime covered souls that even Satan himself would reject for being "a bit on the dodgy side" - Heaven will not have you, Hell will not have you, tht just leaves..........
WALES!!
Just remember, you tainted ones, as far as I'm concerned (and I'm sure this goes for all my English compadres on this forum) no-one can call himself a man unless he can take a hot muffin between the buttocks without blubbing - did us no harm at Eton, what, what!!
Hah!! |
Ah, Whales... they're so big and.... slick and.... flippery?
And golly gee, if I've done anything to corrupt Joren, I didn't mean muffin by it.
As to a proper, damned good flogging, I don't think whales in general deserve that. Seals either, for that matter. In fact when taking pinnipeds and marine mammals in general into consideration, only dolphins deserve such a fate.
Speaking to the concept of Muffin Men, Master Garten, that's just so totally chenille. Unless you've indeed already stolen the margarine. Of course abusing the sausage patties reveals, not to mention exposes, all the lovely fried pork fat which can be used as a comforting balm for not only boundless slavering, but also weasel ripped flesh.
By the by, Sir Garten, do they still wear those cute little jackets there at Eton?
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Dan Bobrowski
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 5243
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 18:43 |
When will the vile depravitiy stop? 
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: January 31 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 9669
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 16:43 |
danbo wrote:
This site is no longer safe for women and children.
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It's not even safe from women and children!
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Dan Bobrowski
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 5243
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 12:38 |
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 11:56 |
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Maybe not a ban, but certainly a damned good flogging - it's what we did to his type in my day!! Filthy Pervert! You disgust me, Rideout, you hear me?
And you're no better, so called Dude, and Stormcrow - my God! you've corrupted a poor innocent like Joren, and jest about it!! - What kind of men are you for God's sake?? My slavering indignation knows no bounds - I pray for your filthy, heinous, slime covered souls that even Satan himself would reject for being "a bit on the dodgy side" - Heaven will not have you, Hell will not have you, tht just leaves..........
WALES!!
Just remember, you tainted ones, as far as I'm concerned (and I'm sure this goes for all my English compadres on this forum) no-one can call himself a man unless he can take a hot muffin between the buttocks without blubbing - did us no harm at Eton, what, what!!
Hah!!
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Joren
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 09:54 |
Is there a possibility to BAN a member here? 
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dude
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 30 2004
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 1338
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Posted: April 05 2004 at 08:09 |
cool!! we broke his brain....actually no, i had nothing to do with it...lets ALL blame PETER!!! NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY MAN
Edited by dude
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/PAlogo_v2.gif "Progarchives.com Homepage")
Impressions
Jim's been buggered with a hot muffin
" hot steamy lunches and "nine inch tools." Peter, oh saint Peter, three..... in one NIGHT!!!! One can only wonder what you do with those cigars. 
