Your opinion on these lyrics i wrote...

It's a different style altogether, but I don't think it's better... stylistically it seems to me a bit on the clumsy side, there's little pathos and no real feeling of catharsis (or anti-catharsis) - but there are some good ideas, especially in the image-painting.

However, I do feel a bit guilty about making a value judgement on what is an expression of your feelings about a traumatic event; I know what you're going through, having been there myself. I wrote a requiem mass for my mother, based on the traditional latin setting - so there's no point me posting the lyrics to that!

Peace.

I'm not claiming my lyrics are any better - but just so's you can take a pot-shot back at me, here's a set I wrote that I like;

GREY (by Cert)

There's no black and white it's only grey today
All of the colours have gone away
What that means I just can't say
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

My brand new coat is ragged and frayed
I hide behind it where once I displayed
I cower in fear where once I was brave
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

When I wake up it's still grey
And I don't want to go outside today
The walls around me stopped closing in
When I stopped colours coming in
So why did it all turn grey?

Why did it all turn grey?

My so-called friends won't come to my aid
Buying and consuming is my only trade
Everything around me is just second grade
It's all grey
It's only grey
Only grey
Only...

Edited by Certif1ed

gdub411 wrote: ...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls

hehe...Finally I get lucky.

Certif1ed wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Let's see some then! (prove it!)

I'm too shy!..and anyway I would prefer to compare my talents to some of the old geezers on this forum like Rideout, Danbo,Reed Lover, and that elderly old hag known as Threefates(j/k ) I am sure when I was 16 I wasn't writing poetry/lyrics as good as Prog- Bassist...so there....Ha!

It was constructive criticism...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls and tell him that his attempt was flawless either. Prog Bassist needs critics...not cheerleaders!

Reed Lover wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Yes Greg I bought all your Cd's and clapped in awe when you won a Grammy!

 

Yes Yes I  have his album./ Great job GDUB.

I really like the lyrics to Wintertime Postman Blues:

I slipped on the ice

As the dog bit my Ass

 

http://www.geocities.com/garion812000/classic_tan.html

(Sorry Picture just will not load)

What is amazing is this is a "best of".  That means there were others. 

Edited by Garion81

gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Let's see some then! (prove it!)

Garion81 wrote: Good lyrics. <SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">Peter, I felt something totally different when I read this. Not how contempt the bell is or the bell repesenting contempt but rather the reaction of contempt that strikes like a bell when it happens. Either when we feel it or see it in someone else.  Maybe I am way off base but that is what is says to me.  </SPAN> <SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"></SPAN>  <SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">Just IMHO of course. </SPAN>

Right on the money!



and as for the band thing, I'm gonna make a thread about that.

It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

BTW, I think your lyrics are fine, though it's always difficult to get a vibe from them without the music. Personally I hate writing lyrics, I can never fuse the moment of feeling passionately about something with the discipline of sitting down to write (except when in rant mode on the forum - ha ha)

[QUOTE=Prog_Bassist] And I'm from Cape Breton, Sydney, NS.[/QUOTE] 

 My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells?

I see you got the word "Solitary" in there.....

Always a good prog lyric/word is "Solitary" !

Edited by Swinton MCR