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RaphaelT 
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Joined: August 17 2005
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 Topic: BANCO DEL MUTUO SOCCORSO LYRICS
Posted: August 08 2006 at 12:00 |
This thread is going to turn into independent web poetical journal 
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yet you still have time!
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Raff
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Posted: August 07 2006 at 16:34 |
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I prefer Andrea's version to the official one. If I were to do one myself, it would probably be very different from both. Anyway, tomorrow I'll try to find the translation I did of "Canto Nomade di un Prigioniero Politico".
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andrea
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Joined: May 20 2005
Location: Italy
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Posted: August 07 2006 at 01:13 |
 RaphaelT wrote:
Well, I think that this is the way these lyrics would like, if the author decided to write down his idea in English... the rest is the different kind of beauty of either language. And I am not going to criticize you, but you would have had greater effect, if you have utilized consequently the beginning in third stanza, i.e. 'but let me have this sleep' instead of 'but let me sleep this sleep'. Sleep this sleep does not sound good IMHO. |
Thanks, that's exactly the aim of a good translation...
Anyway here you can see the difference between my translation and the English version of this song on "Banco" (1975)... Usually there's always something that get lost in translations...
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Do not disturb
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
either it’s calm like that of a child
or it stinks of snoozing like that of a drunk
Why do you want to disturb me
while I’m perhaps dreaming a winged travel
upon a wagon without wheels
dragged by the horses of the mistral,
in the cold wind… in flight...
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
there’s still time for the day
when the eyes get drenched with tears
my eyes… with tears…
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Leave Me Alone
Please do not wake me it’s too early
let me keep on sleeping deep into this slumber
sleep that’s peaceful as a baby’s
sleep that’s roaring like a drunk with snores like thunder
Why must you bother it’s for dreamer
when I’m dreaming that I’m flying without an airplane
in a chariot you can see through
pulled by horses from the kingdom of the south wind
of the south wind with breezes
Please do not wake me it’s too early
let me keep on sleeping deep into this slumber
time for daylight time for heartaches
many hours that never fill with laughter
you’ll see my eyes are crying...
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Edited by andrea - August 07 2006 at 16:35
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RaphaelT
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Joined: August 17 2005
Location: Poland
Status: Offline
Points: 1453
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Posted: August 06 2006 at 17:31 |
andrea wrote:
You can find the original lyrics on the official website, anyway...
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Non mi rompete
Non mi svegliate ve ne prego
ma lasciate che io dorma questo sonno,
sia tranquillo da bambino
sia che puzzi del russare da ubriaco.
Perché volete disturbarmi
se io forse sto sognando un viaggio alato
sopra un carro senza ruote
trascinato dai cavalli del maestrale,
nel maestrale... in volo...
Non mi svegliate ve ne prego
ma lasciate che io dorma questo sonno,
c'č ancora tempo per il giorno
quando gli occhi si imbevono di pianto,
i miei occhi... di pianto...
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Do not disturb
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
either it’s calm like that of a child
or it stinks of snoozing like that of a drunk
Why do you want to disturb me
while I'm perhaps dreaming a winged travel
upon a wagon without wheels
dragged from the horses of the mistral,
in the cold wind… in flight...
Do not wake me up, please
but let me sleep this sleep,
there’s still time for the day
when the eyes get drenched with tears
my eyes… with tears...
| |
Well, I think that this is the way these lyrics would like, if the author decided to write down his idea in English... the rest is the different kind of beauty of either language. And I am not going to criticize you, but you would have had greater effect, if you have utilized consequently the beginning in third stanza, i.e. 'but let me have this sleep' instead of 'but let me sleep this sleep'. Sleep this sleep does not sound good IMHO.
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yet you still have time!
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andrea
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 20 2005
Location: Italy
Status: Offline
Points: 2055
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Posted: August 06 2006 at 14:58 |
You can find the original lyrics on the official website, anyway...
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Non mi rompete
Non mi svegliate ve ne prego
ma lasciate che io dorma questo sonno,
sia tranquillo da bambino
sia che puzzi del russare da ubriaco.
Perché volete disturbarmi
se io forse sto sognando un viaggio alato
sopra un carro senza ruote
trascinato dai cavalli del maestrale,
nel maestrale... in volo...
Non mi svegliate ve ne prego
ma lasciate che io dorma questo sonno,
c'è ancora tempo per il giorno
quando gli occhi si imbevono di pianto,
i miei occhi... di pianto...
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Do not disturb
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
either it’s calm like that of a child
or it stinks of snoozing like that of a drunk
Why do you want to disturb me
while I'm perhaps dreaming a winged travel
upon a wagon without wheels
dragged by the horses of the mistral,
in the cold wind… in flight...
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
there’s still time for the day
when the eyes get drenched with tears
my eyes… with tears...
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Edited by andrea - August 07 2006 at 16:21
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RaphaelT
Forum Senior Member
Joined: August 17 2005
Location: Poland
Status: Offline
Points: 1453
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Posted: August 06 2006 at 14:53 |
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Could you post the original Italian lyrics - your translation is correctly written, but translation is always compared to the original
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yet you still have time!
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andrea
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 20 2005
Location: Italy
Status: Offline
Points: 2055
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Posted: August 06 2006 at 12:29 |
What do you think of this translation? If anyone could improve it I would be pleased...
Non mi rompete / Do not disturb
Do not wake me up, please
but let me have this sleep,
either it's calm like that of a child
or it stinks of snoozing like that of a drunk
Why do you want to disturb me
While I'm perhaps dreaming a winged travel
upon a wagon without wheels
dragged from the horses of the mistral,
In the cold wind… in flight...
Do not wake me up, please
but let me sleep this sleep,
there's still time for the day
when the eyes get drenched with tears
my eyes… with tears...
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micky
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Joined: October 02 2005
Location: .
Status: Offline
Points: 46828
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 15:17 |
Ghost Rider wrote:
This shows, my dear almost-ex-Symphonic partner,
that dictionaries must not be trusted, or at least taken with a grain
of salt... Unless you followed our dear Mandy's example and used an
online translator!
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dictionary.. since tossed out the window in embarassment hahah. I'll pick up something better tomorrow...
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The Pedro and Micky Experience - When one no longer requires psychotropics to trip
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Raff
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Joined: July 29 2005
Location: None
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Points: 24392
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 15:14 |
This shows, my dear almost-ex-Symphonic partner, that dictionaries must not be trusted, or at least taken with a grain of salt... Unless you followed our dear Mandy's example and used an online translator!
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micky
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Joined: October 02 2005
Location: .
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 15:11 |
Ghost Rider wrote:
Yes, that could definitely be a good idea...
However, if I have time I might do some translations and put them up
here for all who are interested.
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always interested... will be good suplements for my coursework... since I failed my quiz earlier haha.
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The Pedro and Micky Experience - When one no longer requires psychotropics to trip
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andrea
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 20 2005
Location: Italy
Status: Offline
Points: 2055
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 15:09 |
RaphaelT wrote:
The only drawback IMHO is that italian prog music was written to the sound of italian language, and English has slightly different tune (both are beautiful though) - I am not judging the quality of andrea's translations, but it is always the trouble of translation, since poetry has so many qualities: rhythm, tune, rhymes and last but not least the content, which is how it moves your heart and emotion, the inner wisdom of poetry. That is few reflections of the reader, but I have to admit that Peter Hammill's and Peter Sinfield's translations of Le Orme and PFM lyrics somehow disappointed me... |
When translating I just try to explain what the song is about: for rhythm, tunes and rhymes you have to listen to the original version!
Peter Hammill didn't really translate Le Orme's "Felona & Sorona": he made an English version that Aldo Tagliapietra clumsily sung...
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RaphaelT
Forum Senior Member
Joined: August 17 2005
Location: Poland
Status: Offline
Points: 1453
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 14:07 |
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Yes, clearly Banco Del Mutuo Soccorso are a jewel that makes learning italian worthy (although there are many other such things). But I think that the better the lyrics, the higher ability it requires to understand (which is starting point in translating poetry), not to say translate... I remember myself searching in great english-english dictionaries looking for words that appear in Hammill's texts - still, everything is before me in that area
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yet you still have time!
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Spiderprog
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 29 2006
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 104
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 13:41 |
That would be forever appreciated 
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Trickster F.
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 10 2006
Location: Belize
Status: Offline
Points: 5308
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 13:38 |
We'll be waiting, Raffaella!
-- Ivan
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sig
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Raff
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 29 2005
Location: None
Status: Offline
Points: 24392
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 13:35 |
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Yes, that could definitely be a good idea... However, if I have time I might do some translations and put them up here for all who are interested.
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Spiderprog
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Joined: March 29 2006
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 104
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 13:33 |
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Thanks a lot! I am especially interested in the lyrics to Il Sono Nato Libero. Maybe I should just learn Italian...
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Raff
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Joined: July 29 2005
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Points: 24392
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 11:29 |
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Zbigniew, you are perfectly right on all counts - not being a poet, I would never even dream of translating poetry! That said, I think Andrea's aim here was to make other people able to understand what's being said by bands such as Banco or PFM. Talking of whom, Pete Sinfield did not really translate PFM's lyrics in "Chocolate Kings2 - he just plain rewrote them, missing the point completely.
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RaphaelT
Forum Senior Member
Joined: August 17 2005
Location: Poland
Status: Offline
Points: 1453
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 11:26 |
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The only drawback IMHO is that italian prog music was written to the sound of italian language, and English has slightly different tune (both are beautiful though) - I am not judging the quality of andrea's translations, but it is always the trouble of translation, since poetry has so many qualities: rhythm, tune, rhymes and last but not least the content, which is how it moves your heart and emotion, the inner wisdom of poetry. That is few reflections of the reader, but I have to admit that Peter Hammill's and Peter Sinfield's translations of Le Orme and PFM lyrics somehow disappointed me...
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yet you still have time!
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Raff
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 29 2005
Location: None
Status: Offline
Points: 24392
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 11:15 |
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You're welcome! Are you a professional translator?
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andrea
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 20 2005
Location: Italy
Status: Offline
Points: 2055
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Posted: August 03 2006 at 11:06 |
Ghost Rider wrote:
Great work, Andrea! Your translations are stunning... You're even better than I am (and that's a big admission for me to make )! Ialso liked your reference to Tolkien (being the Tolkien fan and scholar that I am) - who, BTW, has unsuspected connections to Ariosto. |
Thank you for the "feedback"...
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BANCO DEL MUTUO SOCCORSO LYRICS
