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Abstrakt 
Forum Senior Member 
Joined: August 18 2005 Location: Soundgarden Status: Offline Points: 18292 |
 Posted: May 30 2006 at 13:14 |
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Trickster F.
Prog Reviewer 
Joined: February 10 2006 Location: Belize Status: Offline Points: 5308 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 13:20 |
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You forgot Pagan and Nu-Metal! And what about Jazzmetal, Metalcore and Avant-Metal?
 -- Ivan
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Raff
Special Collaborator 
Honorary Collaborator Joined: July 29 2005 Location: None Status: Offline Points: 24439 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 13:36 |
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I think "Neo-metal" was intended to be "Nu-metal". The description fits quite well anyway!
 And isn't Pagan Metal the same as Viking Metal? |
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Man With Hat
Collaborator
Jazz-Rock/Fusion/Canterbury Team Joined: March 12 2005 Location: Neurotica Status: Offline Points: 166183 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 14:50 |
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Dig me...But don't...Bury me
I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
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AtLossForWords
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 11 2005 Status: Offline Points: 6699 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:02 |
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I've seen something like this before on other websites. I'll take my best shot at what Pagan, Nu Metal, and Metalcore.
Pagan Metal
Knight prays to Thor puts on horned helmet and watches Thor shock the dragon and princess with a lighting bolt.
Nu Metal
Blows enough pot smoke out the dragon he looses his fire blowing skills and runs away, then rudely rapes princess.
Metalcore
Tries to copy every other knights style, but fails miserably leaving the princess to the dragon and runs away in his tight pants.
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"Mastodon sucks giant monkey balls." |
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GoldenSpiral
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 27 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3839 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:09 |
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AVANT-METAL knight rides in to heavy music, but instead of slaying the dragon, attempts to confuse it with a clarinet solo. Princess becomes puzzled and bored, wanders off. NU-METAL Knight does it all for the nookie, what? the nookie. so stick it up your yeah. or Knight gets eaten by dragon, but not before whining about it and blaming the whole thing on his parents. METALCORE/EMOCORE Knight whines and screams about the Princess leaving him for a rich boy. Dragon laughs at Knight for being a watered-down, eye-shadow-wearing wannabe. |
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Royalist
Forum Groupie 
Joined: April 27 2006 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 54 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:21 |
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You didn't include some important things:
POWER METAL The mighty knight comes with his power and KiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIls the draaaaaaaaaaaaagon with his magic swooOoOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOrd! He celebrates his victory full of power and eternal glory. THRASH METAL The frightened and angry knight doesn't look forward to wasting his life for such a stupid thing like fighting dragons. He gets killed and the princess is a bitch. It's very unfair that poor knights have to die, let alone die for f***** bitches. NEOCLASSICAL METAL Knighst? Dragons? F*** off!! I'm playing a very fast solo! BTW I'm the fastest guitarist in the world! |
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GoldenSpiral
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 27 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3839 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:36 |
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SLUDGE METAL
Knight fights the dragon in a sticky swamp, the battle moves slower but is just as powerful. Knight kills the princes slowly later on. |
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Ed_The_Dead
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 29 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 4928 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:37 |
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Now its perfect
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Ed_The_Dead
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 29 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 4928 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:44 |
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Technical Metal
Knight slays dragon using 21 inch b*****d sword delivering 17 precise chops, slashing his bladder, left kidney, removing his abdomen, chopping up his small intestine and performing lobotomy in precisely 29 seconds, left handed. The mind of the princes cannot digest that much sheer perfection in half a minute. Her brain explodes in a shroud of white light.
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GoldenSpiral
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 27 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3839 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:47 |
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 It's been so long since I heard the song (thank god) I forgot how it went. thanks! |
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Ed_The_Dead
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 29 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 4928 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:49 |
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I kinda like that song... but don't tell anyone, ok?
Used to be a massive nu-metal fan back in the day... Still like early KoRn and disturbed though... ah my little sins
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: January 31 2004 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 9669 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:52 |
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Ha!
Then there was this old post of mine. It was original, and made me much beloved in certain quarters, as I recall:
*******************************************************************
Originally posted by James Lee
And just in case anyone is of the opinion that I simply always support anything Peter has to say: I LOVE DEATH METAL!  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thanks for the support, James, but deaf mental? And whence comes all this roiling anger? (Gun owner too, eh? Poor local cacti!) Anyway, are you sure you like Death Metal? You might be thinking of the wrong sub-category, you know. Perhaps the aural excrement you've managed to convince yourself you "like" is in reality from one of the following, soon to appear here, sub-sub-genres: Plague, Pestilence, Fire and Famine Metal Nasty Genital Rash Metal (not to be confused with): Irritating Embarrassing Scrotal Itch Metal Clueless Amoral Degenerate Metal Useless Parasite Metal Long-haired Layabout Metal Stop Playing X Box and Smoking Dope All Day and GET A GODDAMN JOB Metal Absolute Aural Torture Metal Vee Haff Vays uff Making You Talk Metal Unhealty Obsession With Death and the Occult Metal Troubling History of Bedwetting, Hurting Small Animals and Lighting Fires Metal You're Killing Your Poor Mother Metal Frittering Your Life Away Metal Disappointment To Your Parents Metal How Can You Go Out in Public Looking Like That Metal Way-Too-Fast Guitar-W*nk Metal Popular With Twelve Year Old Boys Metal Longing for Your Lost Youth Metal Putting Off Growing Up and Getting On With It Metal Dutch Rub Metal Chinese Burn Metal Damned Good Hiding Metal Severe Beating Metal Bludgeon Into Unconsciousness But Stop Just Short of Killing Metal Fated to Overdose in a Squalid Stinking Hovel Metal Greasy Tatooed Stringy-Haired Freak Metal Christ -- I'm Forty Years Old, I've Got a Mullet, All My Shirts Have Skulls on Them, and I Still Ride the Bus Metal
and other such cheerful, life-affirming expressions of the irrepressible human spirit.... Edited by Peter Rideout - May 30 2006 at 16:00 |
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
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GoldenSpiral
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 27 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3839 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:53 |
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^we were all nu-metal kids once...
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GoldenSpiral
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 27 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3839 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:55 |
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@ Peter
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King of Loss
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 21 2005 Location: Boston, MA Status: Offline Points: 17052 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 15:58 |
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Where is Power Metal?
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: January 31 2004 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 9669 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 16:13 |
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Yes, or even the more environmentally-friendly Alternate Energy Metal
 
Sub-sub-genres of this growing sub-genre include: Wind Farm Metal, Tidal Power Metal, Solar Power Metal, Fuel Cell Metal (still in development), Hamster Wheel Metal, Reduce Re-use and Recycle Metal and Garbage Metal (also known as Methane Metal, but not to be confused with the blatantly offensive Fart Metal)
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
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King of Loss
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 21 2005 Location: Boston, MA Status: Offline Points: 17052 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 16:22 |
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Very Creative post that is, ol' man!
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Tristan Mulders
Prog Reviewer
Joined: September 28 2004 Status: Offline Points: 1723 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 16:37 |
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Cheer brilliance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Interested in my reviews?
You can find them HERE "...He will search until He's found a Way to take the Days..." |
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Viajero Astral
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 16 2006 Location: Mexico Status: Offline Points: 3118 |
Posted: May 30 2006 at 16:42 |
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Yeah, the Prog one is priceless
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A Young Person's Guide to Metal
Topic Options
ivansfr0st wrote:
Assuming you actually do derive some twisted gratification from the machine-gun fast, small-fuzzy-animal-slaying guitar, and the jackhammer drums, do you relate to the lyrics, or do you not much care about the words? 