Bad jokes...

Mine's so bad I need to repost it here:

A boy named Uriel was born with a navel the shape of a keyhole. One day he asked his mother if there was a reason for this. His mother didn't know, but she said:

"Try asking your granny. She's the wisest person in the family".

So Uriel asked his granny, but she couldn't answer him. Instead, she said:

"Go to the old lady who lives on the outskirts of the village. She's the wisest person here, she'll know."

So Uriel did as he was told, but the old lady couldn't help him. She gave him the following advice:

"Go to the king. His wisdom is unparalelled in the whole country. He's bound to know the answer to your question".

So off went Uriel on a trip to the king's castle. He managed to secure an audience, and asked the king about his navel. But the king couldn't help him, either. Like the others, he gave him some advice:

"Far, far to the north lives an ancient wizard. I am not familiar with anyone wiser than him. If he doesn't know the answer to your question, nobody does."

Determined to learn the truth, Uriel wandered off in search of the wizard. It was a long and hard journey, but he finally arrived at the door of the wizard's fortress.

"I can help you," said the wizard, "but first you must serve me for seven years."

Uriel agreed and spent the next seven years in the wizard's service. Finally, the wizard called him and said:

"I don't know the whole truth behind the shape of your navel, boy. What I do know is that there is a key that will fit into it. Unfortunately, the key is at the bottom of the Infernal Ravine, many miles to the south. It is guarded by a fierce dragon. None who challenged him have survived."

Uriel shuddered at these words, but he immediately regained his composure and pledged he would slay the dragon and find the key. Many weeks passed until he reached the Infernal Ravine. Skeletons of warriors and their steeds lined the path to the dragon's lair, but Uriel wasn't going to be stopped.

A savage battle ensued. The dragon was monstrous, with twelve fire-breathing heads and claws as sharp as diamonds, but Uriel's determination more than made up for the disproportion between the two combatants. Using his sword and some tricks he had learned in the wizard's service, Uriel finally defeated the dragon.

There, before him, on top of a hoard of treasure the dragon had been using as his bed was a golden key. Uriel climbed the pile and grasped it. He admired its shape and sheen for a few moments, then said:

"Finally, I have gained what I desired most!!!"

Then he put the key into his navel, turned it and his butt fell off.      

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?





Cliff!   

Edited by daz2112 - May 22 2007 at 14:21

I filed my nails last night!.....No point in throwing them away!!

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

There are three men on a lonely island: a 20-year old, a 40-year old and a 60-year old. Suddenly they spotted another tiny island nearby full of beautiful, young naked women...

the 20-year old: We must go there! We must go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

the 40-year old: Take it easy man! It's a pretty long distance. We can't just swim there 'cos we may drown! We should build a boat. Let's look for some wood...

the 60-year old: What for? We can see everything from here...


Edited by Tuzvihar - May 06 2007 at 16:32

daz2112 wrote: what's a shihtzu? one with no animals!

is this a dogmassage?

Charles Bukowski walks past a pub.

What's pink & fluffy?




pink fluff!




What's blue & fluffy?










    pink fluff holding it's breath!

A man walks into a psychologists office clothed only with clear plastic.

He tells the doctor."People say I'm crazy. What do you think?"

The doctor replies, "I don't know if you are crazy or not but I can clearly see your nuts."

Well, the names are interchangable so sure, if you want to burden him with a hot girl...