Relationships anyone?

^ So I stay in my good ol' ascetic mode. Alright, then. Duly noted. Pedal to the metal when looking to interact socially. 

Relationships are a labour of love, demanding, and a real PITA (says he who has only been in 2).
f**k-buddies for sure

Methinks that this crowd isn't the ideal one to ask for advice at the best of times... - how to deal with intrusive thoughts and obsession; 

With confidence. Develop a self-assured image of yourself that is stronger than these urges so you can start to control them instead of allowing them to control you (if that is the case). If you are asking "how to deal with" then you probably have a poor view of yourself for having them - no one can read your mind so the only person these thoughts affect is you. As David said, accept that you will always have them (and stop obsessing about them). Then you can pull them apart to see what makes them tick and understand for yourself why you have them (psychiatrists make a fortune out of getting you to solve your own problems - they never supply answers, they only ask questions).

 - how to understand the true value/purpose of being in a relationship; 

If you have to ask then the answer is probably no. Somethings are not for sharing.

Edited by Dean - August 13 2016 at 05:52

Dean wrote: Methinks that this crowd isn't the ideal one to ask for advice at the best of times...

 amen to that... great crowd here for asking which prog album is more repelling to the opposite sex..... but this ..ummm

Dean and others have talked about comfort zones and self confidence. From my perspective, I have spoken in front of thousands of delegates at union conferences. I am at the moment teaching corporate tax evasion to trainee members of my department at work. I have to conduct sometimes extremely difficult meetings at work with subjects of my, ahem, attention. Further, I can come across as rather boisterous, loud, and cocky on both this forum and in my local pub.

In realty, I am quite an introverted person, have always been self critical, certainly in terms of appearance, and am certainly self obsessed, finding it extremely difficult to easily accept differing viewpoints, arguments, and stuff I simply either do not like, or get. In that, I suppose that I am much like the typical PA forum member

In terms of the fairer sex, I was absolutely hopeless at getting a girlfriend, at keeping her once I had crossed that bridge, and I was, quite simply, useless. I therefore spent more time playing cricket, playing and watching prog, getting drunk, working hard, and reading, all of which I was far better at than dating.

I was 35 when I was lucky enough to meet the most beautiful woman on God's earth. As her best friend had brought her to my local pub to meet me without my knowledge or consent, I was also extraordinarily drunk. I managed to drag myself to work the next morning, in spite of the most awful hangover, and met Glynis in town. I had forgotten her name from the night before, which, as you can imagine, was slightly awkward. I did, though, take her for a non alcoholic drink, and invited her to the house a couple of days later to cook her a nice Italian meal. Indeed, the meal was so nice, I have not been allowed to cook one again since

The key to this. I was myself. I did not try to be anybody other than me. She loves me for being me, and I love her for not just being her, but for having the patience and love to put up with me and my many foibles.

I hate nightclubs, and have since I was young. Therefore, I realised that trying to meet ladies in such places was a waste of time. As Dean said, it is extremely difficult to do such things when you are feeling very awkward out of your comfort zone.

I remember my dearly loved late grandfather, who was rather obsessed with yours truly continuing the family name and genetic heritage, rather despairing at me ever meeting anyone. It was the proudest day of my life when I presented him with his great grandson, my boy Ioan, who is now a strapping six foot three fifteen year old.

That does not mean to say that it would have been a "failure" had I remained single. I was quite happy being single, in my own strange way, provided I had good health, a local pub to drink in, enough money to buy music, and access to decent pornography    Being single is not a failure if that is what you are happy with. The most important thing in all of this is to be simply happy.

So, my advice, for what it is worth. Get drunk in the company of ladies.......erm.....wait......no.......simply be yourself. It is an old cliche that there is someone for everybody, but it is true. Don't worry about it. It will come in its own time, and it will be, as with me, when you least expect it, or when every sensible person has given up on it ever happening.

OK, no time to read the answers this morning, so I chose to post humour

But I can only echo Dean's words about self-confidence as being a good starting point at interesting the fairer sex in you... Let's be careful at not overdoing it either by becoming an arrogant arse, though... Yeah, some (usually blond and busty) women never learn and systematically end-up with the worst dicks in town, but then again, that cleavage of hers is where her brains are.
a good dose of humour helps a lot too. Women don't like depressive or boring people...
Being a good lover helps too, but generally that's when you need her to come back to you, so be attentive and generous with her needs and wishes >> she'll know that you're not an egotst dork

To be self-confident, it surely helps to like yoursef as a person: if you were from the other sex, would you date a guy like yourself??

^
Sorry but your Gram's quote is funny 

^ Very true, Mick. Fortunately, I frustrated my personal redheaded leannán sídhe. Being an atheist, I had no soul to suck. She is now feeding on some other hapless fool even as we speak. 

The Dark Elf wrote: ^ Very true, Mick. Fortunately, I frustrated my personal redheaded leannán sídhe. Being an atheist, I had no soul to suck. She is now feeding on some other hapless fool even as we speak.

unforuntately I had a lot... I've was told once by a voodoo priestess in New Orleans that my soul glowed like the sun and was a very old soul soon to finally leave this earth.  Well my ex damn near sucked it dry and sent me on my way to whereever we go when we leave this Earth. No worse feeling that feeling one is trapped in a bad marriage.

10 years worth of soul and self esteem gone ... yeah. I could write a book about those 10 years.  Garden variety Soul sucking Redheads are fun enough...I dated 4 previous to Becks....however NEVER MARRY ONE  I guess it took a ex-Mormon redhead to raise her to spawn of Satan queen soul sucker status by the time I realized I was in the clutches of old scratchs right hand woman... I was trapped. 

Think preachers daughters are wild.. sh*t... they got nothing on ex-Mormons.....

Truly wishing you both the best at this....despite being old I remember those feelings Eliot.....horrible one moment, electric the next.  Decades later I'm still second guessing some of the moves I made and some that I didn't