Friend of my mother committed suicide today
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Topic: Friend of my mother committed suicide today
Posted By: Petrovsk Mizinski
Subject: Friend of my mother committed suicide today
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 03:13
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Found out the news literally about 10 minutes ago. Didn't really know the guy well, but I've met him personally and always came across as a very nice guy and brought my mother fruit that he grew around his house now and then. I'm getting that horrible "shaken up feeling" I haven't had for months. And it's not a good feeling when you've only just overcome a personal battle with severe and crippling anxiety about 3 months ago like I just did. I hope this doesn't affect my mother too much, geezus  ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: Padraic
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 09:04
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That's terrible Harry - my condolences to you and your mother. Unfortunately I've had both friends and even parents of friends take their own life - it is an event that does shake you terribly, you don't get over it quickly and you never forget the feeling. |
Posted By: The Pessimist
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 09:09
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Suicide is a very thought provoking event and shakes everyone up. Hell, I'm even shaken up from just reading about it. Thankfully, I haven't experienced knowing someone to commit suicide, but I've seen what it does to the people related. You have my greatest sympathies man.
------------- "Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value." Arnold Schoenberg |
Posted By: Toaster Mantis
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 09:37
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I don't really know what to say since I never knew anyone who committed suicide, other than that you have my sympathy.
------------- "The past is not some static being, it is not a previous present, nor a present that has passed away; the past has its own dynamic being which is constantly renewed and renewing." - Claire Colebrook |
Posted By: Tapfret
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 09:37
It is tragic Harry, but in your situation I highly recommend staying busy and not over analyzing. Another's inner workings are far to complex to disseminate reasons for such rash actions. Be there for your mom, but keep yourself healthy. 
------------- https://www.last.fm/user/Tapfret" rel="nofollow">  https://bandcamp.com/tapfret" rel="nofollow - Bandcamp |
Posted By: Epignosis
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 09:53
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I've never known anyone personally who went through with it, but I've had to talk people out of doing it a time or two. I agree with Trapfret, though- grieve, but don't wallow in grief. You and your mother have my deepest sympathies. ------------- https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays" rel="nofollow - https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays |
Posted By: Queen By-Tor
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 10:34
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My condolences to your mother Harry. I lost a good friend of mine in high school that way. It never really makes sense, all you can really do is, like others have said, grieve, but don't get stuck in it. Still, it's not a wonderful feeling, I know that for sure. |
Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 11:20
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You'll recover in time, almost everyone does. A few years ago, my aunt died at age 50-something for unknown reasons (she never saw doctors, who probably could have identified the problem) and a year after that her husband committed suicide. It really depressed me, but I felt especially sad for their daughter and families. Everyone recovered surprisingly fast, fortunately.
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Posted By: The Quiet One
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 11:28
| I really don't know what to say. The best of my sympathies are with your mom and you Hughes, and of course the family of this friend of your mother. |
Posted By: Logan
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 11:47
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That's rough. Sometimes, for various reasons, a person's inability to cope with suffering overcomes his/her survival instinct (at least temporarily). The grief one leaves behind is horrendous. In my work before, I had to deal with a couple of suicides and considerably more suicide attempts (some more half-hearted than others, as the attempt can be a plea for attention). Like a great many people, I have contemplated suicide (fight or flee), but recognised that it would be brutally unfair to those I left behind (and the actual act is horrific) -- a final solution that creates more problems and more suffering. It's common for those who have taken the step towards suicide to have second thoughts (sometimes too late to turn back, and sometimes too late to prevent crippling/ debilitating consequences). Condolences to those who are suffering due to his action, and it's very sad that he felt so desperate / down that he would feel the need to take such a drastic action. We don't know his particular physiological/ psychological state, or the set of circumstances that would have led to it, but as has been said, one shouldn't overanalyse it. Often the victims (those who are left behind) feel deep guilt thinking about where they failed in reading the signs and helping that person through the problems (what hey could have done to stop that person from falling through the cracks), but the reasons are commonly complex and deep-rooted (and sometimes it's a sudden impulse to something too tragic to bear, sometimes due to long-term feelings of hopelessness, and commonly, of course, an ongoing mental illness that has not been treated sufficiently). I left my work before in the NGO because I could not deal with the stress, and because I felt that we were not taking enough of a holistic (and sometimes personal) approach when it came to our clients (limited even more by government cutbacks). ------------- Watching while most appreciating a sunset in the moment need not diminish all the glorious sunsets I have observed before. It can be much like that with music for me. |
Posted By: jimidom
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 11:49
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My condoloences to you and your mother. Having gone through the tragedy of losing my brother to suicide 14 years ago, all I can say is that it helps tremendously when you, your family, and friends can grieve together and be there for each other. As others have also said, it really helps to stay busy as well. You never forget the feeling, but it does get better with time. ------------- "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." - HST |
Posted By: The Doctor
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 12:00
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All I can add is my deepest sympathies to you, your mother, and his family. ------------- I can understand your anger at me, but what did the horse I rode in on ever do to you? |
Posted By: jammun
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 18:23
| My sympathies too. A guy I worked with for many years killed himself earlier this year. He had some serious medical issues (kidney failure -- and he'd already had two transplants) and simply decided to go out on his own terms. |
Posted By: Vibrationbaby
Date Posted: December 05 2008 at 22:41
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One of my best buddies comitted suicide. Confusion sets in and then you get torn by different emotions. ------------- |
Posted By: Visitor13
Date Posted: December 06 2008 at 11:06
I'd like to second this. Always an extremely sad situation, but it's done and over, there's no reversing it and hence no need to delve too deeply into this. Be there for your mother and yourself. |
Tapfret wrote:Posted By: johnobvious
Date Posted: December 06 2008 at 16:03
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A lady I work with husband killed himself a couple of months ago and my kids go to school with her daughter. She seems in good spirits now but while it seems tragic, life goes on. It has to. ------------- Biggles was in rehab last Saturday |
Posted By: Moogtron III
Date Posted: December 06 2008 at 16:10
| All the best for you and your mother, Harry. Hopefully you find good ways to deal with the situation. It's not easy, I understand. |
Posted By: aapatsos
Date Posted: December 06 2008 at 17:25
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I know it feels sad, but you have to think the positive way. I always believe that everything in life happens for a reason and no matter how bad, sad or depressing it is, you can always get a lesson from it. My wish is that you get stronger and wiser out of this situation. Take care of yourself and your mum. |
Posted By: npjnpj
Date Posted: December 08 2008 at 04:08
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I'm very sorry to hear it, but although I'm not officially religious, I do believe that the spirit is an entity that survives somehow and it's my belief that after we die, we'll see eachother again.
It's staying behind that's so very difficult at times.
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Posted By: debrewguy
Date Posted: December 08 2008 at 17:20
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My sympathies for your mother and her friend's family. Suicide is often said to be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. For those who feel much pain, though, the problem, whatever it might be, never seems temporary. Some people truly are hurt, and unfortunately see this as the escape. Yet, we'll question and criticise ourselves, instead of trying to figure out how a person could feel like such. Being diagnosed Bi-Polar Spectrum ,I know from insurmountable obstacles before I would even try, I can understand how deep the desire can become to end the suffering that no one sees. ------------- "Here I am talking to some of the smartest people in the world and I didn't even notice,” Lieutenant Columbo, episode The Bye-Bye Sky-High I.Q. Murder Case. |
Posted By: fusionfreak
Date Posted: December 12 2008 at 08:43
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Harry,you and your mother have all my support.I hope time will appease it all and you will enjoy life again.I'm myself quite desperate since my personal life is such a bore nevertheless I manage to maintain my survival instinct thanks to movies,prog,comics and basketball.I still enjoy life and there is a thing I like here:even if we don't know each other physically,all of us are not selfish and help each other. ------------- I was born in the land of Mahavishnu,not so far from Kobaia.I'm looking for the world of searchers with the help from crimson king |