Stories Of Great Stupidity
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Topic: Stories Of Great Stupidity
Posted By: Reed Lover
Subject: Stories Of Great Stupidity
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 16:41
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Like to share funny,tragic, or tragically funny TRUE stories? (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing his pocketknife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
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Replies:
Posted By: Garion81
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 17:01
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For all your stupid stories go to http://www.Lowbrow.com - WWW.Lowbrow.com
Here is a sample:
On my way to a party one night, my contact lenses really started bothering me. I thought "f**k it. Everyone says I look cute in my glasses." so I take my contacts out and put my glasses on. Find me 3 hours later, after who knows how much beer, sitting on the porch, mumbling to myself. "My god, I'm drinking myself blind. I can't see 5 feet in front of me. I'm never drinking this much ever again." Thats about when my friend came up to me and handed me my glasses. "You left these on the keg after your last keg stand." "...Thanks."
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"What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?" |
Posted By: Eddy
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 18:00
| lol funny ! reed(found him wityh a branch in his ass OW! that would hurt just to See!)ansd garion. i heard a funny true story from my math teacher a couple days back. this one guy some how got a jet take off he;lper rocket, ( i dont remeber the real official name) he went out in the country side, with the rocketstrapped to the back part of his pick up. he started it somehow and the rocket slipped through the ropes holding it(DUH!) and went strait through the poor guys body!!!! OUCH! |
Posted By: Reed Lover
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 18:03
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Eddy wrote:
Sounds horrific!!
Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 22:01
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THere is a great set of books, The Darwin Awards, which accounts for people who do stupid things, and as a result die from them. The book cover says something to the effect of "Thank you for removing yourselves for the human gene pool" or something much more funnier than that. You might think it's tragic that these people died, but HOW they did is absolutly hysterical.
------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: Hangedman
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 22:34
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This is a true story. Happened to my uncle, who is a paramedic, he has some of the most discusting and hilarious experiances ive ever heard about. Ill share one of the best with you. It was 3am in the morning and he gets a call from some police officers and this is the story he gets. the cops got a call about a burlgar in a residential area. They show up as hes leaving the crime scene, and the guy runs. They end up cornering him in an alley way, theres a large fence behind him and he scrambles up it (it was about 12 feet high or so) he gets to the top and jumps. There is no way the police officers would be able to catch him on foot at this point, but they hear a blood curdling scream. But it doesnt stop at that they guy keeps on screaming, the two policemen get to the other side of the fence. It turns out that the fence (at this point it would be important to mention that the tip of each fence poll was in a T shape) was just put up and an extra poll was being propped up on the other side of the fence. When the burglar jumped he somehow managed to have the pole (T shape and all) slide more than a foot up his anal cavity as he fell. The guy had to be in the hospital for months before he could go to jail, I guess crime doesnt pay. (i find the funniest thing to be the fact that if he hadnt landed on the pole he probably would have gotten away with it) |
Posted By: Pale Fire
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 22:49
yesderday, I was balancing on my hands, fell, and have a rugburn on half my face  me = dumbass ------------- [IMG]http://eonbluepatient.com/images/fire.png"> |
Posted By: Ben2112
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 22:53
Yeah, I can think of much funner ways to get facial rugburn... 
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Posted By: Pale Fire
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 23:03
me too, but I mean.....you should've seen it, my arms were under me, I looked like I was going to do a "watermelon" off a diving board, but just kinda plowed my face into the ground. I heard it was really funny, but all I saw was carpet and then my face hurt. ------------- [IMG]http://eonbluepatient.com/images/fire.png"> |
Posted By: Ivan_Melgar_M
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 23:16
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This one happened to me: I heard of guys that have been attacked by his dog or scratched by his cat, but I believe I'm one of the first to be beaten by his car. I returned from a Halloween party back in 1980 with a lot of drinks (just had got my driving license) and the house where I lived had the garage in the basement. So I parked my VW in the ramp and went down to open the door, but because I was drunk I forgot to put the hand brake and don't know why in hell (because it was mechanical) it slide from third speed to neutral point. I had enough time to listen the sound and jump, but the garage door was in the middle of two tall walls, so I didn't had a place to go, so I tried the most intelligent thing, to jump over the hood of the car and then over the top, something that would have been not so hard if I was sober, but because I was drunk as a grape, my right leg got caught buy the license plate and the garage door. Thanks God (who almost always help the drunks) I went to the party in a cowboy costume and had tall boots which protected my leg, but the license plate broke the leather and went through the skin and muscle of the leg, so I was unable to move, because when the car moved my skin followed the car and the pain was hard enough to make me sober again. For the second time I was lucky, because my sister and her boyfriend went early to bring my mother home from the casino and found me trapped in the door. They had to call the paramedics who took me to the clinic bleeding as a pig, thanks God it was only a cut because my bone was ok, the cop at the door (who had to suspend my license for driving drunk) started to laugh so hard that forgave me. I still have the 45 stitches scar to remind me not to be stupid again. ------------- 
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Posted By: Cygnus X-2
Date Posted: May 02 2005 at 23:48
That's a pretty tragic story. I can't help but feel the pain you felt, and then a slight chuckle. ------------- 
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 03 2005 at 00:37
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A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Since gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher over and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |