Depression experiences
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Topic: Depression experiences
Posted By: Gerinski
Subject: Depression experiences
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 05:52
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Alright this is not a nice subject to discuss and for months I have avoided some hesitation whether to bring it to this forum, but finally Blacksword's thread about Memory in which he admitted being taking antidepressants made me take the step to post about it, possibly I'm not alone and perhaps we can share experiences and advice. Last year my girlfriend for the last 9 years (I would refer to her as 'my wife' even if we were not legally married) decided to leave me. I had moved from my native Spain to Belgium for her and the separation was a big shock in my life. Any divorce which comes from one side only is surely painful for the other side, but it my case there were additional issues, being alone in a foreign country (nothing against Belgium but you know, it's not my homeland), I'm 46 so it triggered also a kind of mid-life crisis, you know, 'I'm 46, alone, in a foreign country, I can't complain but actually I have achieved nothing, what the hell am I living for?' etc. I had to move from her wonderful house to a humble apartment, I had to leave our beloved pets (dog Gaston and 4 cats, you may learn about them in the 'Your Pets' thread) etc etc. In summary, I have been in sickness leave off work since 1st October 2012, that is 6.5 months now. I work as a mid-high manager in a multinational company and my work entails a lot of pressure and stress, and under these circumstances both the company and myself agreed that I'm not fit to perform again yet, although it's getting better and I don't think it's gonna take much longer before I go back to work. This is partly the reason why I did not review any albums in a long time, I hardly feel like listening to music, which is the clearest symptom proving that I am not well, and why on the other hand I can follow the forum more closely, during normal working hours, I have little else to do. I had no idea what a depression was, you can not imagine it unless you have been through one, it's a really dreadful disorder and I don't wish it to anybody. Any of you having suffered depressions and are you willing to share some of your experiences and / or advice towards recovery?
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Replies:
Posted By: rdtprog
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 06:01
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You need to find someday else to live as a couple again, you look like someone who can't live alone. I had a friend who was in the same situation as yours and he had 6 years of unhappiness, but he was always trying to find another girl , his efforts finally paid up and he has never been so happy right now.
------------- Music is the refuge of souls ulcerated by happiness. Emile M. Cioran |
Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 06:22
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Living alone is not good for anyone in my opinion. Since leaving home about 20 years ago, I've shared houses with friends, and lived with girlfriends from time to time. My friends would drive me round the bend with their behaviours!!  But, reflecting, I'm better off living with someone. I've been single for about 6 years, and have been living alone for about 12. My problem now is that I have become so used to my own space, that I'm probably unable to share it with anyone anymore. I don't have much in the way of family, but I'm lucky to have very good friends, and I appreciate that some people don't have that. I tend not to burden them with the specifics of my problems. I find most people, however much they do genuinely care, don't have the skills to discuss depression objectively, and come out with things like "You just need a good night out" or "You don't want to be thinking like that" or " You need to get a grip" etc etc. They mean well, but either don't have a clue or are frightened to talk about it in case they become a sponge for your misery. It's best to speak to a trained professional every couple of weeks or so, because you can say what you want in that environment without the 'politics' and boundaries of friendship controlling the communication. As far as I'm concerned this is not a taboo subject. People should understand that MOST of us will suffer depression in our lifetimes, be it a reactive depression to a bereavement or similar, an ongoing condition like bi-polar disorder or simply because our skin is too thin and we find the world around us threatening or sad. These are realities and to admit to being in this set is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: Moogtron III
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 06:41
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I haven't had depression but I've met many people who have, and I agree with Blacksword, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I have done some research in my theology studies, writing my thesis about young people who encountered depression supposedly because of too dogmatic religious convictions, finding out, though, during my research, that in fact there are a multitude of factors which can cause depression, both physical as well as psychical, like hereditary factors, a prolonged period of stress, crisis moments etc. I don't find myself an expert on this subject, though. I nowhere near being a doctor and a psychiatrist. I did find out in my personal life, that even for a highly individualistic person like me, it was better not to live alone. Still, living together is not a guarantee to avoid depression. But an isolated life is a high risk factor, I think. But once again, I'm not a doctor, and I would always advice people to go to one.
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Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 06:52
An isolated life is very much a risk factor. You're quite right. Living with someone can help a great deal. A partner can spot changes in your behaviour and demeanour which you yourself may not even be aware of. They can encourage you to seek help and be supportive to you. If you live alone a worsening of your condition may go completely unnoticed until it's too late. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Moogtron III wrote:Posted By: ExittheLemming
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 07:03
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I think everyone on PA would be genuinely sympathetic to any member undergoing such a traumatic series of life experiences as the OP. However (and I don't mean to be harsh) is confiding in people you have never/are never likely to meet necessarily conducive to recovery? I know that it's often said it's easier to confide in a complete stranger but this strikes me as symptomatic of the priest/sinner arrangement where anonymity is exchanged for guilt in the transaction. I am also 'estranged' from my wife and went through a very bad period where I lapsed into an angry resentful state which alienated many of those closest to me. Mercifully they forgave me (and those who really love you Gerinski will forgive your acts committed in the darkest troughs of despair) That's why it's very important to get out, circulate and meet those people you count as your friends. Don't lock yourself away to ruminate on real/imaginary shortcomings - the rest of your life starts now. You will receive the support you need from those who love you (not a discussion forum) I'm an abrasive bugger so apologies but I'm always sincere and I hope this helps. ------------- 
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Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 07:29
I agree with much of this, and I don't think you come across particularly unsympathetic. That said, I also don't see any harm in discussing these things on a forum. The level of detail one chooses to go into is up to them, and to be honest offloading anywhere may be conducive in part to recovery for that individual. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: Lizzy
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 07:37
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As someone who has fought with depression around this time last year, but who managed to get help on time, and yet is still fighting not to relapse because of several recent events, allow me to give you some advice. First of, yes! depression is one of the most horrendous things that can happen to an individual, an odious combination of hopelessness, helplessness and quick anger. However, the good news is you can overcome that so long as you are willing take action. Of course, the first step is, since your self-diagnosis is depression, is to actually seek a counselor/psychologist who you can trust and have them confirm or disprove this, and see together what the next logical steps are from there onwards. In the mean time, start doing things you used to enjoy: listen to albums, try and write some reviews etc. Now, you might find that you won't be liking these as much as in the good ol' days. The trick is to actually do it and not evaluate yourself or the final result of your actions (this could be the case when you might return to work as well). Congratulate yourself for trying and for actually getting out of the routine or what is now a comfort zone of doing nothing. It's a huge step! And then start doing them again. No-one can fail all the time. Plus remember, everything that happens to us and affects us one way or the other, has to do with our perception of said occurrences. Another thing, try to be as independent as possible in order to be in control of your emotional life. You don't need someone in order to validate your sense of 'worth'. Like Dr Bruns said (whose book "Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy', I highly recommend) being independent means your moods will not fluctuate because of someone else's moods. This shortly covers the past relationship aspect. As for being alone in a foreign country, yes, this might seem problematic. But Belgium is one of those very cosmopolitan states, where you can make friends both with the natives and people from the international environment. Look up groups that undertake activities you like and join them, or start one yourself. If this doesn't work, you might want to consider returning to your home country and starting a new life there, if you can find a stable job. There still are possibilities, even at this age. It's never too late. But the main thing of all this, is to start taking action and go to a psychologist. Best of luck to you!  ------------- Property of Queen Productions... 
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Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 07:38
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Being in a depression right now myself, I can't really give advice - or only bad advice. |
Posted By: ole-the-first
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 08:45
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I'm in perpertual depression for quite a long time now so I wouldn't make any judgements on my common state, but remembering my past experiences I can remember a pretty short, but very vivid experience I had three years ago or so. I remember, I was counting each day I live. Or more precisely, how may days I have to live yet. It was like: 'Oh, it's monday. Seven more days until sunday... five more days, four... Three weeks until February, and then two months until snow will start to melt...' I lived in constant darkness, I haven't seen anything positive in upcoming days, my future looked like an empty black hole with dread incoming from its depths. I also remember I couldn't listen to anything except for Led Zeppelin's 'No Quarter'. That slow oppressing song was the best representation of what I felt at that time, so it became a kind of a hymn of mine. That condition, fortunately, didn't lasted for long and in a few weeks I got better. Can't give any advices yet... back in those days I just had to wait until something would change around. ------------- This night wounds time. |
Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 08:51
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It's not uncommon to stop listening to music altogether, or indeed partaking in anything you would normally enjoy. When I'm low because all I do is shut myself off and watch endless news. Not a very healthy pursuit! My condition is such that the depression comes in waves which can last weeks or months, and I can now spot when the black clouds are gathering. This doesn't have to be triggered by anything specific. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 09:29
And there's the key. I was eventually diagnosed with depression 13 years ago after being virtually frog-marched to the doctor by my wife, who'd suffered my constant mood swings for (let's just say) long enough - she used to go swimming with a friend a couple of times a week - not only because she enjoyed it, but to get away from me for a few hours  Once the diagnosis was in & the meds started kicking in, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders; none of our friends were aware of my problem at the time, as when you're out, having a laugh, everything seems OK, until you get back to your regular routine & spiral down again (how Vicky stayed put is still a mystery to me). The next step was to accept I would be on meds more or less constantly for the rest of my life - this was difficult to get my head around until Vicky suggested it was no different than my having been diagnosed with a different condition (eg diabetes) where I would have to take daily meds to stay on an even keel - and that's what SSRIs do, they're not 'happy pills', they just stop the serotonin re-uptake gland taking it all back & keep you on an even keel; you still get pissed off occasionally, you still get 'down' occasionally (EVERYBODY DOES  ), but the trick is to recognise it for what it is & to recognise the symptoms of a possible downward spiral - if ever I'm unsure, I just ask Vicky, or one of my friends - all of whom now know of my condition. That's another thing - explain to your friends & family what's happening, how it can affect you & why; not as a sympathy thing, just straightforward information. Remember, in most cases, depression is simply a physical condition caused by an over-active serotonin re-uptake gland (SSRI = Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor)... all together now: WE ARE NOT LOONYS! ...at least that's what the voices tell me...  -------------  Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 09:52
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The biggest thing I learned from my bout with depression is that when I decided to give up alcohol (after abusing it for many years), most of my problems magically went away. Ironically, I had been drinking largely to cope with the depression. So that's been a big incentive for me to stay off the bottle, and life has been reasonably peachy ever since.
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:16
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Thanks to all for the responses. For sure I am under doctor's help, otherwise I could not be in work sickness leave. For the first 4 months it was just a normal doctor but since it didn't get better 2 months ago I started with a psychiatrist. I'm also taking medication, tried 3 different ones already, first Duloxetine but it gave me a lot of nightmares and I felt continuously like a zombie, then Escitalopram stopped the nightmares but I would still feel zombie, for the last 3 months I have been taking Fluoxetine and although the progress is very slow, I have been getting better and the side effects are very mild if any. I did not try any psychologist, the cost is not covered by the insurance and I had a bad experience with one in the past where I spent quite a lot of money and didn't help at all.
All the contrary, I have never been the kind of guy who needs a couple, I am rather asocial and I lived alone until I was 38, with girlfriends now and then, some more serious than others but never really living together. When I was 33 I left Spain alone to spend 3 years abroad as an expatriate for my work, then I spent also 1 year in Italy alone. I have no problem being alone, rather the contrary, I'm very fine alone, but with my Belgian ex-girlfriend Katia it seemed like I had found the only woman I would be happy living with. Anyway I am hopeful that time heals it all.
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Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:28
That was not harsh at all, I appreciate it. My true friends are in Spain and I am not very social, even with them I tend to minimise the situation so that they do not worry about me. It's my problem and it's up to me to get out of it.
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Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:33
Thanks Jim, All my friends and sisters / brother know about it and they are very sympathetic. I did not tell anything to my father and his wife, they are old and I don't want them to have another reason to worry.
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Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:36
Completely understandable - my mother is the only one who is unaware, too.
Fluoxetine is one of the better drugs with the fewest side effects; also one of the oldest ones (the most common trade name for it is Prozac) - one I'd be very cautious of if recommended is Seroxat. Works well for some, buit with others can have really unpleasant side effects - I started having major panic attacks 2 days after beginning the course (that was when my GP put me onto Cipramil, which is the best I've found) & there is a history of it causing really nasty episodes in people - that said, some people swear by it, so it's all down to individual metabolisms, I guess. ------------- Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:36
I have to learn from that (nothing new that I did not know already), since the nightmare started I am drinking too much
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Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:44
The worst thing about depression is that you are not able to enjoy anything. Normally I enjoy listening to music, reading books, watching good movies, visiting things, keeping my place nice and clean... with the depression I don't feel like doing anything at all, I try listening to music and it annoys me, I try reading and after 1 page I put the book down, I try to watch a movie and it bores me, my place is dirty and I don't feel like cleaning, I try to go out for a walk and I feel like threatened, just wanting to be back to 'safe home' again... pfffff, it's sh*t 
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Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 10:53
Prozac was the first one tried about 13 years ago. Apart from very slight shakes in the morning it actually had no effect on me whatsoever, positive or otherwise. The next one I tried was Venlafaxine, which improved my mood slightly, but robbed me of all libido, and I would wake up in the morning with clenched jaws after a night of teeth grinding, according to a partner at the time. I guess everyone has different experiences with these drugs, but Mirtazapine has been the only one that has not had any bad side effects for me. Apart from memory loss?? Although that could just be attributed to the condition anyway. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: TODDLER
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 11:55
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I am not depressed now because great events are taking place in my life..but I have , in the past experienced depression to a extreme and I lost control. I had to sort out in my mind..that the music business was an empire of criminal activity which differed from the local farmer or banker in town. Based upon my constant observations of people's characteristics in general..I was determined to hate society and link them in with the offending sexual promiscuity/drug hand outs of promoters/venue owners/agents/managers , but no..the entire world is not like that..usually the huge percentage of people who do not attend your gigs are straight up people? I can't believe I had to go on meds for that. I was told by my psychologist that it is very typical for an entertainer/musician/composer to be tormented and hounded by people the whole of their life and that most of them reject society, attempting to escape the day to day vapor pain claws. No doubt this happened to me because I traveled the road close to 30 years, suddenly quit and was faced with living in a real world of domestic lifestyle. In the late 70's and early 80's , I didn't know what it was like to be a real person. I spent most of my time in and out of buses/limos, stages, dressingrooms, recording studios and a corporation took care of me. After years of this lifestyle..I felt disfunctional in the real world.Eventually after about 5 years, I lost my contacts and decided to lower by expectations by performing in casinos and clubs and having to do everything for myself which was a nightmare. I still had agents/managers, but not the full scale corporation treatment. My first wife who ran the light show was working roots on me. This came to my attention by a Christian musician I traveled with. He first took notice of my pale condition, lack of eating..etc...He then focused on my wife, observing her and one day told me that she was a witch performing a spell on me. He said to check to see if there was a piece of hair in my shoe..or if I had been examining my food . He caught her mixing roots in my food with a blender and explained that it was a form of mojo/voodoo. We shared an immediate common interest upon meeting with the Herman Hesse novel "Steppenwolf" . For years I had thought my wife was only interested in Sci-Fi novels. I discovered after 5 years of marriage..that she had been born into a Satan worshippers sect on her mother's side of the family. I had 2 weeks off from the road and traveled back home with my wife. One night she wondered off and not returning for hours. There was a crash at the door and I opened it finding her lying on the steps bleeding. I called my friend outside . he opened the car door and I laid her in the back seat. She was sliced and had carvings of pentagrams on her body. I rushed her to the ER and was greeted by 2 police officers and a doctor who insisted that the cocaine up her nose made it possible for this whole tragic event to revolve around a drug ring related incident. I explained the carvings or symbols had more of a direct connection or lead to solving the mystery..but they disagreed. How do you explain to the poilce that your wife has just been attacked by a Satan cult? They were more concerned about a drug bust than anything else which gives sadistic cults an edge on getting away with murder. This depresses me. I think my position is moronic because I have never practiced witchcraft or belonged to a Satan cult. I was surrounded by the corruption of it in my youth and so I am some type of victim, I don't know how to term. I had friends that suffered through Satanic ritual abuse as children and teenagers. Our area.. for some reason or another.. was corrupted with a sect which according to police officials had traveled from the west coast. in '69. A young man , age 20 who often tutored students in our school asked his 2 friends to drive him to a deserted pond in the hills. After giving a brief service to the Devil..Michael asked to be tied and bound and pushed into the lake. He wanted to return as a captain to rule over 40 legions of demons. This derives from the works of Colin De Plancey and it's a Judeo-Christian concept. A few days after his death..police discovered members of a wealthy group posing as Christians in Assembly Of God Church. The pastor then de-programmed a total of 90 teenage devil worshippers. Those were the Satan cults that were widespread in Cumberland County.Only 1 or 2 members of these cults were in contact with the elderly sect who were very wealthy . Police discovered evidence of 50 members present on the night that Michael was murdered. There was no physical evidence and so the 2 year investigation did not hold water in court. Michael's murder took place in 1971. Children missing, screams and chanting in the wooded areas of my hometown had been present since the mid 60's. I guess you can call this an isolated incident of the extreme..although I do not know how else to describe it without coming across as an extremist? This elderly group reminded me of the "Dark Shadows" series in the 60's. Their outfits as such were accountable for who they were and what was on their agenda. I was dining with vamps and I escaped quickly. If the younger cults , who were an extension of the elderly sect..spotted you in the woods, they would chase you and run you down, picking you up and throwing you quite a distance or simply drag you through the dirt/mud to prove a point. I still have nightmares from that. For years I wore nothing but black because I felt shame over avoiding Satanic ritual abuse like my friends. I had escaped and felt the guilt for others. Some of them had to be de-programmed converting to "Born Again" , but declined in the area of personality due to that further programming. I knew their personalities..I grew up with them, but now they were strangers. This depresses the crap out of me ..today. I am still curious if Barbara Hutton was a member of this sect. She was a wealthy actress and her family line owned the Woolworth Five and Dime stores. She was married to Cary Grant and she owned a venue not far from my hometown. It was designed like a European castle with black mirrors on the inside. The place was still open to the public when I performed there in 1983. The staff were dressed in black robes, there were black mirrors and Rock bands performing. When I went outside on my break..there was a girl standing , holding a rat and giving me her x-ray eyes. I've had nightmares about this. As I said before...I have never took part in the left hand path movement and feel that my personal experiences as a musician state otherwise. I left for the road at age 18 to escape this environment of human blatter puffs to exceed in the positive. I studied guitar since age 7 and any kind of religion was a distraction to my developing stages as a serious player. I did cross paths with these people again in the 80's when I was asked to play Classical guitar by candlelight in their mansions. I was lured into that by money, but unaware of it's existence for the first few gigs. They hide in plainsight which is a diversion of telling on others to take attention away from what they, themselves do. This gives me nightmares. |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 12:13
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 12:50
That's quite something bigger than my depression, I wish you well.
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Posted By: TODDLER
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 13:04
Thanks
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Posted By: fusionfreak
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 13:07
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I'm suffering from it at the moment.To be frank I don't wish to talk about it because it's a very bad state of mind but I would like to add that I wish the best to any forum member or any human being suffering from it.Basketball,Marvel Comics,Spaghetti Westerns and Krautrock help me a lot. ------------- I was born in the land of Mahavishnu,not so far from Kobaia.I'm looking for the world of searchers with the help from crimson king |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 14:51
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 16:08
Marvel Comics? You're depressed to the point to read Marvel Comics??? Damn, that must be a hell of a depression... Huh, when thinking about it... Which Marvel era or titles? |
Posted By: A Person
Date Posted: April 18 2013 at 18:01
| I have (undiagnosedly) been depressed since high school. In my case it isn't very severe most of the time, but more subtle and feels like it's a part of my personality. I think it's dysthymia, but I've never seen a professional about it. Luckily, the internet is a great way to distract myself from it. :D |
Posted By: fusionfreak
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 03:22
------------- I was born in the land of Mahavishnu,not so far from Kobaia.I'm looking for the world of searchers with the help from crimson king |
Posted By: Morsenator
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 04:58
An interesting topic. Lizzy gave some great advice back there on first page, I don't need to repeat it. I have read some bunch of articles, books etc. on the subject, both part of my studies and because of personal interest. The causes of depression are of course wide and very individual, so it is hard to give any general advice for self-treatment (Which is always needed, no matter what meds you take. If you don't want to be healed, you most likely won't.) However, maybe one of the best ones is this: "Whatever works for you, do it." It may sound simple, even like a cliché, but it.. well, works  Our minds are brilliant, adaptive things that have a lot of potential for anything. If you'd like to see a therapist to talk about your problems and think it might just work, go see him. If you think going for a walk on a sunny day might cheer you up, do it. If you think alcohol is a big factor keeping you mood very low, try to lower your consumption. If you think your SSRI's are working, well fine. If you think they're not, consider a different option. If you're not sure what to think, talk to someone or keep a diary to sort your thoughts out. You're not alone, there are a LOT of people struggling with the same things you are, and many many of them have sought help and found it. Start with small, even tiny changes and if it works, even a tiny bit, bring in some more.There is always hope.OK, I'm not near being a professional (yet), and I might sound like a total optimist but I'm actually not. I'm a quite introvert and a bit melancholic person, and have even had a period of some four months which I think could have passed as a mild depression. Yet I enjoy life a lot, much more than what I would have thought some years ago. ------------- You love the music, the music loves you! http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/ |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 05:35
I don't know how old you are but if this condition annoys you you should see a professional, you never know, they may help or not but it may be worth trying.
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Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 05:42
Thanks. I believe in everything you said, even if when you are in the dark depths it's easier said than done. I think that I'm already past my lowest deep and starting the way up, I still have trouble enjoying any activity but at least I can now force myself a bit to engage in some activity, even if it's still by consciously forcing myself rather than by genuinely feeling like it. The arrival of spring weather is also helping, winter has been very long in Belgium and as a Spanish I don't deal well with cold, darkness and rain.
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Posted By: rdtprog
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 05:45
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i have never been depressed permanently, but have suffered like we all do of moments of depression, the cause is impossible to identify, i don't think it's important to know the cause of our depression, and the only solution is to keep moving on and some happiness will naturally come back as long as you can enjoy the little pleasure of life and don't want to be the most happy guy in the world. ------------- Music is the refuge of souls ulcerated by happiness. Emile M. Cioran |
Posted By: Morsenator
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 05:57
Great to hear that you're getting better, even if slowly. Yeah, thoughts are one thing and actions are another. Many times depression can keep it's grip longer than it would have to because the negative thoughts just move like waves, always returning and creating unhealthy cycles that prevent the healing things from entering your life. If this happens, finding a way to deal with them, change them to more positive ones or even finding something to distract your attention from them is the key. (Besides the things you like or at least used to like a lot, praying or meditation, physical exercise, having good time with friends and a good old dose of fresh air can do the trick, at least temporarily. Most cognitive therapies also work based on these principles). Winter's darkness is a bitch, but the Sun is coming again  ------------- You love the music, the music loves you! http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/ |
Posted By: Morsenator
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 05:57
------------- You love the music, the music loves you! http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/ |
Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 06:16
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I would always advise talking to a professional. It may take a while to find a therapist that is right for you as an individual, but it's worth searching. In the UK, various talking therapies are available on the NHS. CAT (Cognitive analytical therapy) and CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) are popular, especially the latter. In fact CAT may have been ditched now in favour of CBT. I had a course of CAT back in 2004. Because of the very templated and scheduled nature of it, it wasn't for me. The NHS therapists have little choice but to clock watch and stick to a script, because of the way the treatment is funded and all manner of resource issues. These therapies tend to consist of a course of around 16 sessions. The therapist will show you all manner of flow charts and diagrams to explain the relationship between feelings and behaviours. This didn't help me, because I understood all that anyway. It may help people who 'don't understand' why they feel the way they do. I decided on private therapy, which isn't as costly as I expected, £45 per hour, once every three weeks or so. It isn't a set course and I can have the appointments in the evening, and not have to take time off work for it. It's an opportunity for me to open the valve and let it out. This probably saves my friends a lot of grief! That said I have explained to small number of close friends that I have an ongoing condition. In my opinion it's crucial that some people know what's going on. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: ArturdeLara
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 07:06
That's exactly how I have been feeling for the past 5 years or so (I'm 18 now, it started when I was about 13). I won't explain the reasons why I feel that way because they are too personal, but let me tell you that I have contemplated suicide a couple of times, although not in a very serious way. Anyway, hope keeps me moving on .------------- "Those who are not shocked when they first come across Prog theory cannot possibly have understood it." - Niels Bohr "If you think you understand Prog, you don't understand Prog." - Richard Feynman |
Posted By: Icarium
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 07:36
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I wonder on one thing can neurology or neuro therapy used to deal with psycologic ilnesses btw i do not have depression that much, stress and angst is my issues -------------  
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Posted By: TODDLER
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 13:17
There are others who have experienced the same or worse. I may be the only member of P.A. who has? However..some do not care to share their experiences. I do because I feel old and the experiences feel like a lifetime ago..which means that to share is mainly for observation to others. I am no one special and do not desire to come across as showboating shock stories as opposed to maybe simply observing the story itself and realizing that events which seem farce to some, actually have taken place in this lifetime
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Posted By: ArturdeLara
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 13:58
Well, I guess it depends on the causes behind the depression. Some depressions are purely physiological, caused by a reduced production of the neurotransmitters related with pleasure. But others have an exterior cause (sometimes life's a  ). In this case I don't believe drugs are useful, even if they seem to solve the problem, because they don't go to the bottom of it, and just mess up with your mind and poison your body. Hey, at least the pharmaceutical companies make one hell of a profit out of people's misery, so at least someone is happy .------------- "Those who are not shocked when they first come across Prog theory cannot possibly have understood it." - Niels Bohr "If you think you understand Prog, you don't understand Prog." - Richard Feynman |
Posted By: Blacksword
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 14:15
A story broke today that GSK the pharma company behind the antidepressant Seroxat, paid their competitors to hold fire on producing cheaper generics, so they could hang on to the market monopoly for the lucrative drug. http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2013/apr/19/glaxosmithkline-gsk-oft-generic-seroxat-paroxetine" rel="nofollow - Guardian article The contraversial SSRi known to have increased suicidal tendencies in some teenagers, was one the companies most widely prescribed AD drugs. By paying rival companies to slow down production of generics, they were able to charge the NHS their inflated prices for the drug. Disgusting. ------------- Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy! |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 14:22
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Don't get me started about drug companies.
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: April 19 2013 at 17:28
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I had depression years ago, but it went away on it's own. But i am kept busy by about a dozen other permanent, incurable (but controllable) medical conditions, some requiring medication on a permanent basis. Yeeha. |
Posted By: Morsenator
Date Posted: April 21 2013 at 11:30
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^That's some mess, I hope you will get better in the future. On the previous topic, GSK have been charged many times before, for a number of unethical things such as marketing drugs not tested on youth to specifically young people, to a different mental disorder than they were tested, etc. etc. I do not have the least of trust in that firm. Many big drug companies distort the research by creating multiple, some times dozens of trials on some experiment just to get those two that "show" the positive outcome of the treatment. The other 37 which did not show a positive effect or even showed a negative one are of course never spoken of. And I wouldn't take SSRI's myself in pretty much any condition, now that I know how they work. Saying that depression is caused by a lack of dopamine in certain pleasure regions in the brain, because increase of dopamine in those regions causes an increase of pleasure, is like saying that problems in self-confidence are caused by lack of alcohol in the brain, because increase of alcohol causes an increase of self-confidence (at least for a short period of time, but neither do the antidepressants have much long-time effect). Depression is always an issue much more complex than the plain neurochemistry, although that plays a part in it too. I don't really want this to become a debate whether drugs are useful or not, since this is a topic about experiences, but since the question came up I thought I'd say what I had in mind. ------------- You love the music, the music loves you! http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/ |
Posted By: TheGazzardian
Date Posted: April 21 2013 at 22:04
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I don't know that I've ever experienced legitimate depression but I have been in a funk quite a few times. But my wife has been depressed since before we started dating and it effects her very heavily. She talks about our relationship like it's a given it will go on only as long as she is able to stop herself from killing herself, and as if I will inevitably find another girl and love her. She often says things like "After I'm gone, you can find a girl that does/doesn't <negative comparison to herself>". She experiences positive moments the same way I experience negative ones - only when there is a really good cause and only for a short while. I love her to pieces but it can be hard, and lately she's been in a very dark area. She for the most part does not harm herself (never when I am around, which is both good/bad) but last year she came very near to harming herself badly and we've been taking her to see help since ... but she believes she has reached the limit of what that help can do and even though she is on meds, her mood is still wildly unpredictable and prone to sudden darkness. Lately that has been projected on me more than before, when a small misstep on my part (like tonight I accidentally put too much water in the rice) leads to her getting so upset she will not look at or talk to me, and if I ask her what's up, she gets mad at me. I can see that she is hurting and I do everything in my power to help her out and improve her mood and support her and guide her towards things that might improve her mood, but lately she has been unemployed and around the house a lot by herself, both of which I know are bad when you are depressed ... but I cannot talk her into doing otherwise, nor lead her, and when she takes a defeatist attitude, sometimes after years of trying to help her get better, I begin to understand where she's coming from, which is what scares me most. Like when she says that death doesn't scare her because it's a release from pain, I'm reaching the point where I sometimes feel that maybe she is right. But I don't entertain those thoughts long and I certainly would never aid or support the decision of her taking her own life. It's more a matter of, after all these years and getting her help and meds, I really don't know what I can do to improve her life, especially because it has to come from her and there doesn't seem to be much that she is willing to do. (Ironic, because her sister went through a similar thing last year and she was very judgemental of her sister and the way her sister didn't really do much to improve her situation). Anyway small rant, I know what I need to do, I need to encourage her without pushing her to take small steps, one at a time, to make decision that will get her out of the house and around people again, to get her to face her fears head on and overcome them (right now she won't even go to the grocery store across the street with me because the idea of doing so fills her with so much anxiety) so that she can take positive steps towards being happy, instead of staying in all the time and relying on me for pretty much all of her happiness (which is hard on both of us).
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Posted By: Finnforest
Date Posted: April 21 2013 at 22:13
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Gazz, wow man, that is heavy....please accept my best wishes dealing with those issues. I am confused though.....the part about her not wanting to go across the street......didn't you guys just go on big vacation is Asia? Did that go OK? In any case honestly, I wish you strength and success helping her ------------- |
Posted By: TheGazzardian
Date Posted: April 21 2013 at 22:16
Big trip in Asia is something we've wanted to do for a while and that actually did boost her spirits while we were there, they have tumbled since we returned. The grocery store across the street thing is actually localized to literally just that one grocery store (I'm not entirely sure the reason why, she worked there until she had a breakdown after she started seeing her therapist but she says it's not because of that). Thanks for the wishes
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Posted By: Finnforest
Date Posted: April 21 2013 at 22:21
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Oh, OK....its good to hear the trip went well. I saw some of the pics you posted and it looked really great! I wish I could give some good advice. I did help a friend through a similar period of darkness....literally looked me in the eye and asked why he shouldn't kill himself...my answers were not connecting, that's a terrifying feeling and place to be.... ------------- |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 02:32
| Gazz, that's very sad, I wish you both all the best. |
Posted By: Morsenator
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 03:17
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^Hugs. That is a very difficult position you're in Gazzardian, but don't
give up. I think you're going the right way in this, and it seems you
are a great husband for her to have.
------------- You love the music, the music loves you! http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - http://moonsofjupiter.bandcamp.com/ |
Posted By: stonebeard
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 03:38
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I have a history of depression/dysthymia and I do have some small experience with dealing. I know some people really do get a boost from mood-altering drugs (SSRIs) but I don't think it's that ways with me. I'm an introvert and most of us here probably are. I think a lot and I inwardly focus my thoughts to the point of neuroticism and negativity sometimes. And I was a little suicidal for awhile. Anyway, what I find works for me when I'm feeling particularly negative is that I've been low before. Incredibly low. Suicidally low. Throw a glass at the wall low. Empty a bottle of scotch low. But now I feel better than I have in years. They key is to keep looking forward, and to know that "all things will pass." It's the most basic consoling method anyone's mother would have used in childhood, and it's true. Keep pressing on. It will be unbearably hard for days or weeks but sometime you'll talk to an old friend or the sun will come out at the right moment, or a song will come on the radio that will make you like listening to music again. But you have to try. I have to slap on a smile most days for my job, and it helps, believe it or not, in lifting my mood even when I feel like screaming. Beyond that mindset, I found no better remedy than engaging people. Humans are social, and there's no telling what kind of impact a stranger or a friend might have on your mood unless you talk to them. Withdrawing is a slowly crippling action and it's one of the worst things someone who is depressed can do. Besides antidepressants, I would recommend across the board for anyone feeling depressed: 1) Eat healthy 2) Exercise (even a 10-minute walk out in the open will do) 3) Initiate a conversation 4) Reflect, but don't be negative or blaming. Think about your situation as objectively as possible. You've seen bad times, you've seen wonderful times, you know they'll be back again. Repeat daily.
------------- http://soundcloud.com/drewagler" rel="nofollow - My soundcloud. Please give feedback if you want! |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 07:54
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^^ Great advice. Easier said than done, of course, but if anything works, that will.
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 07:56
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Gazz, my condolences for your situation. Your description of it really hit home because it reminds me of a situation my good friend was in, and it's a painful memory to recall. Best wishes.
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: TheGazzardian
Date Posted: April 22 2013 at 08:30
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Thanks for the well wishes all
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Posted By: TODDLER
Date Posted: April 25 2013 at 12:24
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The issue I face with my story is the judgement from others who insist it is a common conspiracy theory. It's not moral to react with that kind of scepticism. In the case of many famous conspiracy theories ..I personally have a great disbelief in their presentation like many sceptics do. In the real or small world of the logically thinking it is knowledgeable that there are 2 sides or 2 versions to almost every story. When solving a crime..a detective is faced with leads which are vital to conclude the mystery. After extensive investigation and interrogation of witnesses the detective must have a possibility to further investigate. That procedure is even more involved because you must now locate people who were friends with the victim or perpetrator to confirm or loosely connect any truth existing to the statements made by the main suspects in the case. So you spend 2 years ploughing through lies and distractions attempting to prove a very likely possibility which differs from the story printed through the publications industry. In point these sceptics are holding the word of the press over the word/results of magnificent police work. Why do people trust a journalist to that degree? In one sense the sceptics mawk the press and claim conspiracy theories are nothing less than hype..but on the other hand they place importance on locating an old newspaper article of a so called urban legend to justify that the crime is in fact not a mystery... when really a majority of the time what is defined in a newspaper as the final chapter or determination of a criminal case is an agreement/ decision made by a judge and jury and the justice is sometimes questionable in my mind. |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 25 2013 at 13:01
For much different reasons than yours, this human tendency really hits home for me, as the careless acquiescence and adherence to the knee jerk impulse to believe the first news story you hear has really hurt some people I care about. It's a big reason I don't typically take part in current events debates, because I can't allow myself to jump to conclusions based on a few news stories or blurbs, and I get very sad when I'm around people who do. I believe that general mindset is why we went to war and are still stuck there. ------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: Gerinski
Date Posted: April 25 2013 at 14:01
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It was terrible when there was no freedom of media information, but it's getting to a point where freedom of media information is not so much better. Most people choose media which are akin to their political or ideological standpoints and hear only hugely biased stories which they take for the truth. The borderline between giving biased information and plainly lying is getting soooo thin. I have always thought that someone should make some TV show where the subject would be take some actual piece of news and review the versions published by different media of the same facts. It would be hilarious, in many cases it really seems that you are reading about different events, and this would (hopefully) make people more wary of blindly believing what they read, hear and see. Having said that, because of all this it's so difficult even for educated people to know what you should really believe, in the end one thinks that we are manipulated one way or another
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Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: April 25 2013 at 14:24
There's a feature in the Atlanta newspaper that I hope foreshadows a good trend in this direction. It's called the "Truth-o-Meter". It usually takes some quote by some public official (politicians, local office holders, etc), which the newspaper itself probably reported at face value, and then subjects that statement to some intensive fact checking. The Truth-o-Meter article carefully walks through the inquiry, weighs all the research and data, and comes to a conclusion as to whether the statement is true or not. There are degrees of "truth" from "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" to "Yes Completely True" and shades in between. It really shows that someone somewhere cares about thinking about public statements (previously accepted as facts), and the presence of the newspaper column tells me there are enough readers out there who like to read it. Of course, there is always the pleasure of having a public figure being proven wrong, but I'll ignore that less than noble incentive for now. Some people still care about the truth.
------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: A Person
Date Posted: April 25 2013 at 16:32
Yeah, I really should. One of the biggest reasons why I haven't is that I can't really afford it. |