Friend of my mother committed suicide today

That's terrible Harry - my condolences to you and your mother.

Unfortunately I've had both friends and even parents of friends take their own life - it is an event that does shake you terribly, you don't get over it quickly and you never forget the feeling.

I don't really know what to say since I never knew anyone who committed suicide, other than that you have my sympathy.

I've never known anyone personally who went through with it, but I've had to talk people out of doing it a time or two.

I agree with Trapfret, though- grieve, but don't wallow in grief.  You and your mother have my deepest sympathies.

You'll recover in time, almost everyone does.  A few years ago, my aunt died at age 50-something for unknown reasons (she never saw doctors, who probably could have identified the problem) and a year after that her husband committed suicide.  It really depressed me, but I felt especially sad for their daughter and families.  Everyone recovered surprisingly fast, fortunately.

That's rough.  Sometimes, for various reasons, a person's inability to cope with suffering overcomes his/her survival instinct (at least temporarily).  The grief one leaves behind is horrendous.  In my work before, I had to deal with a couple of suicides and considerably more suicide attempts (some more half-hearted than others, as the attempt can be a plea for attention).  Like a great many people, I have contemplated suicide (fight or flee), but recognised that it would be brutally unfair to those I left behind (and the actual act is horrific) -- a final solution that creates more problems and more suffering.  It's common for those who have taken the step towards suicide to have second thoughts (sometimes too late to turn back, and sometimes too late to prevent crippling/ debilitating consequences).  Condolences to those who are suffering due to his action, and it's very sad that he felt so desperate / down that he would feel the need to take such a drastic action.  We don't know his particular physiological/ psychological state, or the set of circumstances that would have led to it, but as has been said, one shouldn't overanalyse it.  Often the victims (those who are left behind) feel deep guilt thinking about where they failed in reading the signs and helping that person through the problems (what hey could have done to stop that person from falling through the cracks), but the reasons are commonly complex and deep-rooted (and sometimes it's a sudden impulse to something too tragic to bear, sometimes due to long-term feelings of hopelessness, and commonly, of course, an ongoing mental illness that has not been treated sufficiently).

I left my work before in the NGO because I could not deal with the stress, and because I felt that we were not taking enough of a holistic (and sometimes personal) approach when it came to our clients (limited even more by government cutbacks).


Edited by Logan - December 05 2008 at 11:49

All I can add is my deepest sympathies to you, your mother, and his family.

One of my best buddies comitted suicide. Confusion sets in and then you get torn by different emotions.

A lady I work with husband killed himself a couple of months ago and my kids go to school with her daughter.  She seems in good spirits now but while it seems tragic, life goes on.  It has to.

I know it feels sad, but you have to think the positive way.

I always believe that everything in life happens for a reason and no matter how bad, sad or depressing it is, you can always get a lesson from it.

My wish is that you get stronger and wiser out of this situation. Take care of yourself and your mum.

My sympathies for your mother and her friend's family. Suicide is often said to be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. For those who feel much pain, though, the problem, whatever it might be, never seems temporary.
Some people truly are hurt, and unfortunately see this as the escape.
Yet, we'll question and criticise ourselves, instead of trying to figure out how a person could feel like such.
Being diagnosed Bi-Polar Spectrum ,I know from insurmountable obstacles before I would even try, I can understand how deep the desire can become to end the suffering that no one sees.