DreamTheater vs Radiohead

King of Loss wrote: Ed_The_Dead wrote: And they can allways get support from Mike Portnoys gangsta rapper crew. Just look at his shirts and hats! The whole Long Island ghetto is following Mike to shot Radiohead Hahahahahahaha. You mean those anorexic Prog-Metal- snobs?

Hmmm... Who do You mean? Radiohead? theyr not prog metal.

And so Kevin Moore steps up to take on whoever is on keyboard duties in Radiohead at the current moment.

*Blast!!!* He fires a volley of really fast stuff - but with absolutely no musical direction, and knocks out several members of the audience. They were DT fans, and would have been knocked out anyway...

Thom Yorke presses a single button, and a single, delicate, quivering note hangs on the air for what seems like an eternity. Several DT fans fall asleep. Kevin Moore falls asleep. Job done!

DT pull out the backup, and Derek Sherinian fires a dense salvo of incomprehensible drivel, and Thom collapses with laughter - now there's a rare sight. Fortunately for the Radiohead boys, it's Johnny Greenword's turn on the keys, and he lets rip with a Mellotron so hauntingly beautiful, that Sherinian can no longer see due to the tears in his eyes. DT fans in the audience wonder what the fuss is about.

Round Two:

Colin Greenwood goes straight in with a deep, rumbling bass with a ton of distortion that makes John Myung's cabinet's explode. There wasn't going to be a contest here anyway - Myung wouldn't know a bassline if it bit him.

Round Three:

Portnoy unleashes a ferocious attack, all over the place... and that is his big weakness. A single cymbal hit from Phil Selway - perfectly timed, as ever, is all it takes.

Round Four:

Thom steps up to the mike, and unleashes a wail of such soul-ripping intensity, with a melody so jaw-droppingly beautiful, that Rudess has to concede that he has neither the tonal quality or melodic invention to keep up. Thom finishes him off with a single line of lyrics that makes Rudess realise that he needs to go back to poetry classes.

Round Five:

Petrucci snakes a whirlwind of scaly fingers aroung Johnny Greenwood's head. The DT fans go wild - and some wet their pants.

Greenwood just plays any old stuff that seems to come from nowhere and go nowhere.

Have Radiohead finally bitten the dust?

Their fans look totally bemused - but that's normal.

The DT fans laugh smugly. At least DT win where it counts.

Petrucci, encouraged by this, drops into a little acoustic number...

Now the laughter comes from the other side of the auditorium!

The complete lack of musical invention or raw emotion is just the helping hand Greenwood needed.

He strums a single chord of ethereal beauty, and a string on Petrucci's guitar snaps.

Greenwood then produces a harmonic construction so daringly original, yet hard-edged and powerful that Petrucci staggers - to the bemusement of the DT fans.

Recovering slightly, Petrucci goes back to the tired old solo format for one last hit - but Greenwood responds quickly with a melody so emotionally powerful, that Petrucci starts foaming at the mouth, cursing his stupid guitar teacher and vowing to give up sweep picking forever.

Result;

No contest.

Despite DT's virtuosity (or, in all likelihood, because of it), they couldn't write music at Radiohead's level of artistry if their lives depended on it.