Off At Tangents: Reticulum Sonata 88

I feel like a god (when my dick is in you.) 

I paid a girl $350 to cuddle for FOUR HOURS. The girl was pretty cute too. She was not asian but she was still my type.The terms we both agreed on were we would cuddle in bed for a full 4 hours and she would tell me "i love you" at random intervals and make eye contact. However when push came to shove she refused to look at me and I had to pretty much beg her to say "i love you" and she only said it once and it sounded forced as all hell. But i guess its a mixed blessing because her voice was ****ing annoying as ****, she sounded like sarah palin. The cuddling was amazing though once I got over the fact that she refused to make eye contact or look at me. I had to really use my imagination a lot but for a good long time it felt amazing. I only got to touch her arms but her skin was so ****ing soft...it was ****ing amazing. So much better than hugging my pillow because the skin was so soft and you KNOW you are hugging a real life human female! My mind was blown for a while. At the end I tried to kiss her once but she REALLY dodged the **** out of it. Like I went to try to kiss her and she pushed me away and jerked her head back and had a disgusted look on her face. To be fair we never agreed on kissing...we agreed there would be "nothing sexual" but we never agreed on kissing so that's kinda my fault. I kinda begged her a little to let me kiss her but she declined. I guess theres a little bootlicker in us all lol. Overall while she did not hold her end of the bargain as far as the eye contact part goes....it was a pretty good experience and I want to do it again. You guys think I should use the same girl again or do you think I can find a girl who would be willing to actually look at me sometimes and maybe even make eye contact, all for the same price? ($350 or less for 4 hours of cuddling). I fear I might get addicted to this.

Kill off the last person remaining to become king. 

There is a disclaimer sticker on my colon.

Flushed with capitalism, we stopped using toilet paper altogether.

I hang my head more for poor counterfeit lemons. 

The manpower it takes to enter a basket of apples is equivalent to the force needed to send an architecture wheel into the trunk of a 1971 Javelin SST.

I wish I could just spread my wings and fly away.

Like a photograph, my life is a movie about birds' nests.

An educational analysis of synonyms will show you what's up with compact plastic regimes and monarch picnics.