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Sir Millard Mulch


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Sir Millard Mulch How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody...Once and for all! album cover
3.64 | 7 ratings | 3 reviews | 86% 5 stars

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Studio Album, released in 2005

Songs / Tracks Listing

[Disc 1]

1. Principles of Egyptian Salesmanship (0:25)
2. Dr. Whilton Popple's Personal Slave (3:51)
3. Fantastic! (0:27)
4. Brian Tracy Ceaser Salad (2:21)
5. Chariots Of The Sales Gods (3:03)
6. I'm An Artist And I Shouldn't Have To Work For A Living! (2:51)
7. Hardball 2 (3:21)
8. Cap'n Jack's Straight-From-The-Can Applefish! (1:00)
9. James Pitts In Bondage IV: Moving Target (3:13)
10. Maximum Volumeizer (3:50)
11. Higher (3:24)
12. H2o2verphone Telethon (4:11)
13. The Boy With The Perfectly Swuare Buthole Strikes Back (2:00)
14. Drink The Secret Milkshake (0:37)
15. Every CHild is a Creator (0:12)
16. I Don't Wanna Be A Salesman! (2:18)
17. Ring Around the Hedgehog (5:46)
18. Metronomes & Make-Up (4:11)
19. You're Not My Hero Anymore (2:28)
20. Brunch With Branco Nagasaki (0:09)
21. Not Ready for Retail? (1:40)
22. Check Out Our Exclusive Fall Season Spectacular Of Idestructable Bra Hooks (3:24)
23. When the Sales Gods Compute Youre Karmic Worth, You can Join Your Mystic Brethern in the Center of the Earth (0:54)
24. Let Move (Dance Mix) (2:18)
25. The Monkey Steals the Peaches (3:19)
26. Fake Boobies! (1:11)
27. How To Pretend You're Stupid Like Everyone Else So You Can Become Gainfully Employed And Enjoy Your Limited Time On This Fucking Useless Planet In Just Five-Zillion Easy Steps! (4:53)
28. I Hate Retro! (3:26)
29. Poking the Eye of the Beholder (1:05)
30. Prelude To Mundus Imaginalis (1:01)
31. Dennis Rodman Fukking Basketball 1998 (1:15)
32. Mary Go Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy! (0:50)
33. Ultimate Radio Interview That Will Make Me Famous Forever (1:48)
34. The World Is Brainwashed Catering, LLC (2:56)

[Disc 2]

1. What Is The Concept Behind This Huge, Unlistenable Album? (0:59)
2. Hemisphere III: Hermes i. All Hail Hermes! ii. The Sacred Craft iii. Foundations of Ironicynicism in the 21st Century iv. How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody...Once and for all! v. Come Sale Away vi. The Thirteen Beautiful Brazen Pillars of Nincompoopery vii. The Final Battle Between Art & Commerce Viii. Executive Producer Brings the Rock Opera to a Cost-Effective Ending ix. All Hail Hermes! (Reprise) (20:03)
3. If A Composer Falls In The Woods... (3:06)
4. TJ's Original Surrogate Activity Soup! (Made From 100% Instead Of Ingredients!) (0:22)
5. The Best Job In The World (Sales Is) (2:05)
6. The Ultimate Artistic Medium Is The Consciousness Of Other People (0:16)
7. Food Pirates Of Galpheve IV (2:41)
8. Normal Life Is Boring! (3:55)
9. No-No, The Headless Ant (5:20)
10. There's A Market For Everything But Me (0:14)
11. God Bless the RIAA! (2:17)
12. Coagula Et Solve Or Something (0:51)
13. Bad Imitation Of Buckethead? (3:07)
14. Food Magnetizer (1:33)
15. How To Quit Your Job And Make Millions! (4:44)
16. Sir Millard Mulch's Olde Tyme Parade Of Magickal Amusements (2:24)
17. From Selling Nothing To Selling Nothing (2:51)
18. And The Merchants Of Earth Shall Weep And Mourn (0:54)
19. Shit From An Old Minutemen Song (0:12)
20. I'm Just An Artsy Chick With An Acoustic Guitar (You Think) (2:27)
21. Geophagyopathy & You! (2:11)
22. The Modern Day Comparison Refuses To Die! (1:08)
23. Saleswoman of the Year (0:16)
24. Unknown Triumph (Schlegel) (3:37)
25. And Now, The Moment You've All Been Waiting For... (0:06)
26. The World's Greatest Salesman! (6:10)
27. All Sales Finale! (0:40)
28. The Great Strength Of Our Professional Affiliations / How To Spend Music Industry Currency (3:24)
29. Bankruptcy & Beyond! (0:06)
30. WOM Battle Theme (-$6,000) (1:34)

[Disc 3]

1. Mundus Imaginalis / Journey to the Underworldof Buyer's Remorse (?:??)

Total Time: 2:38:28

Line-up / Musicians

Sir Millard Mulch & Co., Everything.

Thanks to Spanky for the addition
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SIR MILLARD MULCH How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody...Once and for all! ratings distribution

(7 ratings)
Essential: a masterpiece of progressive rock music(86%)
Excellent addition to any prog rock music collection(0%)
Good, but non-essential (0%)
Collectors/fans only (14%)
Poor. Only for completionists (0%)

SIR MILLARD MULCH How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody...Once and for all! reviews

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Collaborators/Experts Reviews

Review by FruMp
2 stars An interesting album to say the least SIR MILLARD MULCH's 'How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody ...Once and for all!' is an extraordinarily long and persistent album spanning 3 discs and way more time than it's worth, while it does have some funny and interesting parts it's entirely disposable when it all comes down to it.

The majority of the music is ironically commercial poppy metal with harmonised vocals, the only merit is in the lyrics which are often quite witty and funny but once the novelty has worn off it gets old fast, it's mostly about how he's an artist and shouldn't have to work for a living and how he desperately wants to be famous and successful and it's a fairly thin charade as you can tell deep down he really means it (someone should tell him that you do that by making interesting music with genuinely funny lyrics). A lot of the other tracks are satirical infomercials and general mindless banter and after about half an hour it's hard to not find yourself bored I forced myself to sit through the whole 2 and a half hours, once is enough.

Overall I could recommend people into this kind of music listen to it simply for curiosity's sake, there are a scant few good interesting moments considering how much time this album occupies, mostly it's repetitive and redundant - recommended only to the curious or adventurous, you'd be well advised to stay away from this one.

Latest members reviews

5 stars In 2005, Paul Mavanu, under the pseudonym Sir Millard Mulch released a triple album that went by almost completely unnoticed by even the underground. It utterly confuses me as to why most people here on Prog Archives haven't even heard of this guy when he is practically the epitome of what I thin ... (read more)

Report this review (#113048) | Posted by Aqualung31 | Wednesday, February 21, 2007 | Review Permanlink

5 stars The average attention span of a person is around 40 minutes. Well, it's something like that. So why would anyone want to listen to this triple disc, four hour long atrocity of an album? Also, how did a no name like Sir Millard Mulch manage to get so many high ranking people on his album? Virg ... (read more)

Report this review (#71910) | Posted by Spanky | Tuesday, March 14, 2006 | Review Permanlink

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